Rewind, kid
by Rivana
Summary: Updated! Will contain crossovers, SLASH and timetravel. Xander's downplayed himself too many times. Will the world pay for his misstakes?
1. An Argument

**Disclaimer: I do not** own Buffy:tVS or Angel:tS. The characters and situations of those shows are copyrighted to Mutant Enemy and/or associates. Any other TV-show or Movie being taken advantage of here is also copyrighted to someone other than me.  
I, however make no money out of this and no malice is intended. I am also very poor and suing me would therefore be completely pointless, not to mention petty, as imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  
I absolutely do not in any way with my writings aim to say that any of the actors portraying the characters are either straight or gay or indeed any other way than that which they were born. I write **fiction** and writing **fan fiction** means that I base my writings on **fiction** and nothing else.

**Claimer:**All original characters and situations not recognized as any other copyrighted creation belong to me and thus are copyrighted to me. Since I however am not a hypocrite you are free to use them or copy my plot etc as you please in your own fanfiction as long as you make clear that these are not your creations. The poetry is likewise mine and **may not be used without express statement about who wrote it**, therefore e-mail me and I will give you my real name and permission if you wish to use it for some non-monetary reason.

**A/n:** First time writing fanfiction. Just so you know. I'd love some feedback, but flamers come on. I get enough crap in my e-box as it is.

This will contain **SLASH**. That is homosexual relations, for those of you who didn't know. If you can't dig that, go someplace else please or read this to expand your horizons, but don't go badmouthing to me cause I ain't interested!

This will probably contain situations which are **Fan Rated for Mature Persons**. I choose to point this out to be on the safe side.  
I am however Swedish and we are much more liberal in my country which is why I may be screwing up with the ratings. In Sweden adult movies are for 15 year olds and up because 15 is the legal age for having sex or going to jail. This applies to both hetero- and homosexual situations. However I have chosen the higher ratings here because I believe this is considered the generic ratings. If the ratings could be lower, please let me know. (But not before an actual situation as mentioned above comes into play.)

**That being said, what I mean with this rant is that there will be violence, cussing, sex and mayhem in this story and angst, cuz I do love my angst.**

This will contain **PLOT**. That means that there will actually be a story and not just the words mentioned above. If you don't like that, move on with my blessing. Sometimes you just want something simple, I respect that.

**A warning for those of you who are rabid fans:**  
I am bad at cannon. I also like to mess with cannon. At no point can you presume that what happened in the shows are what happened in the past of this story. Mostly yes, but sometimes I will twist things and not comment on it. Pay attention to what I am writing, often you will find an explanation somewhere within to the changes. However, as I said before, I am bad at cannon and I admit it, though I play with cannon as a rule some things may not be intentionally different from the series, therefore if something is bothering you –let me know.

**All chapters are so far un-beta'd**. No one has beta'd for any of my writings as of yet. Do you wish to change that fact? Send me a note.

**Summary:** Xander's downplayed himself too many times so now people have a hard time trusting his abilities. A fact that makes a certain Balance Demon a tad bit worried and that leads us to the situation below.

_All right, I'm done covering my ass etc now so on with the show._

**_

* * *

_****_An Argument_**

_"The powers are closing in on me  
an army unlike anything before  
The walls around humanity collapse  
the Earth is sundered to the core _

No one will sing of the last of all wars  
where humanity took its final stand  
When the ultimate battle is over  
there is naught left but stars and sand"

/Extract from the poem Harmageddon

"Well kid. We sure as hell messed this one up. Didn't we?"

Xander turned his head around slowly even though the voice had come from his blind side. He had realised who was talking almost before the first word had been said. He had felt the Balance Demon's presence the moment he had appeared and had pinpointed the presence and the voice to one messenger from the Powers That Be. For some reason he wasn't shocked by the sudden appearance, why though, he couldn't fathom, perhaps all that had happened had just jaded him. Perhaps Caleb was on to something and he really did see things. Right this moment he didn't care which, cause the Demon was absolutely right, they had screwed up, badly, he just didn't see how to fix it, not anymore.

"What do you want, Whistler?"

"Well, I want to pummel you and I want to scream at you and maybe send you a century or two to hell just to beat some fucking sense into you, but mostly I want to know if you see any way to fix this mess you put us in."

Now Xander turned his whole body and stared the ageless being straight in the face.

"What the hell are you talking about! Are you saying this whole mess is my fault? I'm just normal guy, remember?"

The demon snorted at that.

"Yeah right, like you were ever fucking normal. How many sixteen year olds do you know of who would and could drag a master vampire to a possible final death at cross point? You were supposed to stay on that path junior. Not play security blanket to the slayer! Damnit, so many times when we got a glimpse of the real you. The fucking warrior we were waiting for and every goodamned time you take care of the immediate worry and then revert back to that godforsaken goof persona. What were you thinking!"

Xander clenched his jaw.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The hell you don't kid. What the fuck was wrong with you, you suppressed every instinct you had except to love and somewhat protect. Was it your childhood? No. Sure you and Willow got a bad deal in the parents department, but it could have been a whole helluva lot worse. So was it the infatuation with the slayer? Christ she really screws up things that one. Well. What the fuck was it that made you play not even second but last fiddle all the time!"

The Balance Demon looked about to blow with the amount of rage he had gathered, apparently over the years.

"Look Buffy was the slayer, it was her gig."

"The slayer is a foot soldier and you know it. She wouldn't have made it two days without you. And she got an ego a mile wide. Don't deny it."

Xander was about to snarl something back. A protective instinct, habit really, but he kept himself in check and thought back.

_Saving her life two days after she came to town.  
Hearing that she was a cheerleader at her last school and queen bitch at that.  
He remembered a brief flash of thought he'd had about the perils of taking a young girl who already had delusions of grandeur and putting her on a piedestal. Telling her she is 'the chosen one'. Deferring to her in all matters, even when her tactical reasons were more like 'me slayer, kill now'._

"Yeah well. She was a kid. She needed a friend. Someone to lean on."

"A friend, sure maybe. There were others who could do that though. You left Angel as the only one she felt she could trust with her back."

"I helped."

"Yeah, kid. You did. But not as much as you could have and you never made her see what you did for her, for chrissakes you hid it if you could."

"That was later. She needed to feel secure in her place as Alpha."

"But she wasn't, was she? Not really. You suppressed the Hyena within deliberately so you wouldn't challenge her. She needed to be challenged! Christ do you even know how much power your soul carries to be able to completely suppress a primal spirit!"

"She was young and afraid. She needed a friend, a protector of her heart. And what the hell are you going on about anyways. You sent her Angel, REMEMBER!"

"Yeah kid, I did. And I should have tried to prepare him a bit better. Maybe. But you were there when he arrived."

"I was sixteen and untrained, what do you think I should have done. Staked him?"

"NO! I sent him. You alienated him."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything? I was trying to keep him away from her."

"By acting like a jealous teenage boy?"

"No, yes. I was her friend. She was supposed to see reason."

"So you tried to make her see you. You idiot. You had already buried yourself with those masks you wore. Why the hell didn't you just talk to Angel instead?"

"She was my friend, she was even younger than me. I was trying to protect her. He shouldn't have gone near her, how the hell could I talk to him, he was over 200 year old, a master vampire, he SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE NEAR HER!"

"He was lost and confused and alienated. She seemed powerful. She was innocent. He thought she was the key to her redemption. He thought he was giving her what she needed. A mate."

"He was a vampire, she was a slayer what the hell was so difficult to comprehend!"

"He had a human soul and needed affection. He hadn't had a friend in centuries."

"So what? He couldn't be friends with us?"

"You were hostile almost from the start."

"He was a cryptic asshole and almost jumped at her from the get go."

"It was his first gig as a hero. He actually tried to stay aloof. Didn't work."

"Still not my fault, I was sixteen."

"So what! That's more or less adult and you know it. You had all your faculties. You could think for yourself. Loyalty is a virtue, but couldn't you have given the guy a break!"

"I…"

Xander sighed.

"I could have. I… He was a champion. I saw it. I saw his loneliness. I saw that she was a child in mind still and that he had been thrown into the champion gig. I just didn't think it was my place. I… Christ, you're right. I turned a blind eye. I chose to act like a normal teenager… Fuck, I don't know, they had all this destiny crap going on and I didn't like that and there was this whole thing with Jessie. I just sort of closed off there somehow, decided that I was gonna make everybody else happy, cause even if I couldn't be, they deserved it."

"You mindwarped yourself good kid.."

"Yeah, guess I did."

He saw more memories now. Flashes where he had squashed his original instincts in favour of protecting the hearts of others.

_Letting loyalty be everything. Not giving Angel or Spike a chance because they were undead and related to Darla, because no one else really saw that no matter what else they were they were both still master vampires and because they both showed an unhealthy interest in the slayer.  
_

_Trying to cushion things for everyone. Letting Buffy spiral down to her queen bitch status once more. Letting Willow believe she was smartest, most powerful. Letting Giles be the strategist, the leader, the 'knowledge guy', when he was really just as screwed up as the rest of them. Being tension relief, thinking that that was what was missing, when in reality they all needed a real leader. Someone who saw things, someone who did what was necessary, someone…like the guy he could have been. Like the guy he was deep within. He had let his heart get the better of him, being too much of a white hat and not enough white knight. His head spun as thoughts, images came to his mind. Instances when he had seen, but chosen to ignore because of the heart._

He closed his eyes and thought about everything leading up to the closing of the Hellmouth. _Activating all the slayers. Now acting like a carpenter/counsellor to a bunch of girls who should still be living normal lives. Seeing now, how this would, could end._

"Apocalypse?" He asked quietly while locking eye to eyes with the Balance Demon.

Whistler nodded sadly.

"End of the world as we know it. Return of the time of evil supreme."

"But we can stop it. We know. You're telling me about it."

"Kid I can't interfere like that."

Xander frowned.

"But you already have."

"I haven't actually told you anything about it. Other than that it can't be stopped."

"But it can, if you just tell me about it. We'll stop it, I'll stop it."

"Too late now, you can't take up your mantel now. They won't follow you. They will follow  
them now and they will lose. You won't be able to work to your full potential before it's too late. You will head up the resistance later yeah, but it will be a guerrilla. The Earth will have fallen. You will fight against overwhelming odds. You will start something that won't see it's end for centuries, if at all."

Xander hadn't even noticed his eye tearing up.

"Fuck. I fucked up. What can I do to stop it Whistler?"

"Nothing kid."

"Nothing? Then why are you telling me this, are you just here to torture me. I'm sorry I screwed up ok! I wasn't the only one... Gods, it doesn't matter. I didn't know I was so important. If I was then why didn't I get a prophecy, why didn't I get some sort of guide, a kick in the right direction?"

"Cause you're the wild card, kid. We had no power over you. We weren't allowed to interfere with you, not like that. Not then, you had to make your own choices. You weren't our champion. You're the champion of life. You were supposed to be a player not to be played, but you chose to sit out the game and now everything is screwed up."

"Again. Why are you telling me this. If you can't interfere, why are you here?"

Whistler stared out into space and for a moment Xander almost thought that he wouldn't get an answer, then the balance demon spoke.

"Cause reality is going to hell in a hand basket and soon it won't matter anymore…"

The words caused a shiver to travel down the young mans spine, they sounded so final coming from this ancient being, not like when Giles made his 'dear lord' comment. This sounded much worse, much, much worse.

They both stood silent for a while contemplating the words that had just been spoken, then Whistler broke the silence once more with an almost nonchalant tone in his voice.

"Did you know that Angel is your true mate?"

"He what!"

Xander felt a wave of dizziness come over him.

He tried to deny what he had heard, but somehow these words broke through his protective barriers of denial. Everything coming to him, all the feelings, the hidden thoughts. Desires denied. Destiny defied. He grabbed the railing of the balcony he was standing on as his knees threatened to buckle.

"How…"

He asked, choking on tears.

"Why…"

"Birds and bees, kid. I'm sorry. I am to blame too, but I can't make other people's choices for them ya'know."

"I'm bi…"

"I know kid."

"I was in love with Jesse."

"And then you killed him? Christ kid, I know that must have messed with your brain. They wanted him as a whitelighter."

"They took him?"

"They…nudged him in that direction."

"They killed him!"

"No, no kid. They didn't they just…nudged…"

"They couldn't mess with me so they messed with my friend."

"No, he really was meant to be a whitelighter, that was his destiny. He's a good one too. One of the best. He's helped a lot of people. No one knew how you felt about him, that's the thing when you're off limits. We can't keep tags on you like that. That was a screw up by the powers. They shouldn't have taken someone so close to you if they wanted you to go their way... But ya know. He did have a destiny."

"Alright… But, fuck do you know how much that influenced my decisions? Bad tactical decision, I mean they must have known he was my friend. Yeah, they probably did. A friend, we all lose friends. So they didn't know we were more. Huh. Big fuck up."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. So…Bad luck all around."

"Yeah kid, I guess so."

"Now what? We wait for the end of the world?"

"We could do that. You could wait. You could fight and lose and fight again or…"

"Or?"

"You know kid. If I were you, I'd be pissed off at Angel for not recognizing you as a true mate. He should have, having the advantage of having a demon for a longer time. He shouldn't have squashed all his feelings for you. Trying to hurt you to make them go away. And you know I would be pissed at the slayer too. Laying her hands on what was yours by right. Belittling you, acting like a bitch. Taking your mate, your future adopted childe. Forcing you to abandon your pack. She's really screwed you over.  
If I were you I'd be pissed at the powers for screwing up with Jesse. I'd be pissed at me for screwing up with Angel. And I'd wish for a way to send my soul back to that younger body. For a chance to make things right, for your sake. Showing them the real you, be the babysitter they needed back then. Taking revenge by being all that you can be this time. I mean come on aren't you pissed Xander? I know you've gotta be, cause I am and I haven't been screwed over nearly as much as you have. Don't you wish those things too?"

"Yeah."

Xander's eyes darkened. He wasn't as mad as everyone else as he was with himself, but there was definitely anger radiating from him.

"Yeah. I really wish I could do things over. get things right this time. Not let the powers poor decisions screw with me and everybody else. Then get my mate and my rightful place as Alpha. Me, not Queen Bitchy Buffy."

"Done."

He snapped around his head reeling from the sudden dimensional shift. Floating in the air behind him was no other than D'Hoffryn himself.

"Good luck kid. Having no humans around would seriously screw with my business and this way I get my Anyanka back."

A portal was opened beside him.

"How?"

"Bending the rules. Looping the loop. You're the only one who can do this, you're the only one without a destiny. You can shape it, shift it. Only you. When your soul goes through that portal, yes only your soul. Not the soldier part of you, that reality was created the night of Halloween. Not the Hyena, she is still in her cage in the past. You will need an animal or a demon or some other entity inside you to claim your mate though, remember that. Now as I said, when your soul goes through the portal this whole existence will disappear, all that has happened will be nullified. Time will not just be turned backwards, the weave itself will be shredded and remade. No one will know about this but you. Not even the powers. Don't spill the beans though if you can avoid it, don't know what would happen. Reality's tricky like that. You're a great actor, this will be the roll of a lifetime. Of all our lifetimes… The loop is only a loop as long as it goes in circles, remember that. Good luck Alexander."

"You got a full rewind kid, make the best of it."

Whistler's parting words were almost drowned out by the sudden sound of bells chiming and before he could say a word Xander could feel his soul leaving his body. He was warm and basking in light and then he felt nothing, saw nothing, until he opened his eyes.


	2. And So It Begins

_**And So It Begins**_

"_So as the blind that lead the allseeing  
I will laugh at the turning of the wheel  
Instead of trusting fate -that fickle being  
I will dream my own fairytale real"_

/Extract from the poem My Own Fairytale

Xander opened his eyes and blinked sleepily up at the roof. He. Opened. His. Eyes. Oh shit. Staying absolutely still he breathed slowly in and out. Feeling himself in his body. His mass was a lot less. His hair longer. He had two eyes. Fuck. He really was back in time. _Alright Xander, be calm. Collected. Close your eyes and think._

_Okay, so you are back in time. You are 16 years old again. The last 8 years of your life never happened. Acting roll of a lifetime. Yeah, definetly. How the hell am I going to do this? I have to try and forget the future somehow. Suppress it like with the hyena before, like with the soldier nightmares, like with the memory of staking my lover... well almost lover. Loved him though, loved him. Fuck. Jesse…_

He closed his eyes even tighter.

_Fine, I can do that, for a second chance, I can do that. I **will** do that. After all, I'm an expert at self-denial. I need a plan. Wonder what day it is?_

He groaned and rolled out of bed. Thankfully his body remembered the manner in which he used to move.

_Right, wouldn't do to start moving like a one eyed warrior from one day to the next. All right, but I need to start learning martial arts and stuff somewhere, if for no other reason than to keep things real and some meditation techniques. Sure I've got my own street fighting and the stuff I picked up on my travels, but that just ain't gonna cut it this time. I **will** be a force to reckon with so help me all the powers on Earth. Need to study magic and demonology and weapons and tactics, sure I've got an 8 years head start with fighting and researching behind me, but that still leaves me lacking so many things it wouldn't even be funny in a hundred years. _

If I'm gonna be a leader and a fighter, if I'm gonna be all that I can be, I have to think big** and** detailed, nothing can be left out. Just the fact that I will effectively be changing history every day will take a gigantic amount of skill and knowledge to not fuck this world over to hell, literally. I mean god, all the things we fought in High School. Buffy's Death, Kendra, Angel and Angelus, Faith, Ethan, the Pack. God, the pack I have to learn iron control of my will if I'm to be able to make the Hyena Demon submit to me right away. If I should, can I justify letting four teens get possessed… Focus Alexander, one thing at a time. At least get some clothes on before you start plotting.

He got dressed in somewhat normal clothes; sure he'd dressed badly the last year or so. Mostly as a way to rebel against his parents really and because he was sick of the 'cool kids' and all the hassle that being in the 'in' crowd demanded. But he hadn't begun to wear the really horrible things until he had started to fight. He had then used the clothes to cover up bruises, muscles, danger, weapons, everything.

What date was it then? When had he arrived? He was just about to check the calendar when he suddenly smiled. His older soul had melded with his younger one, he actually remembered what date it was, it was… Oh. Oh. It was the day after he had staked Jessie. Shit. Fuck. They still wouldn't let him save him.

"God damnit. God fucking damnit!"

He picked up a shoe and threw it at the mirror across the room. Then he started to level the room. His anger was real enough, but there was a method to his madness. He was pissed off that Jessie had to die, but he remembered the Balance Demon's words. His friend, his lover, was an Angel now. That meant he wasn't really as dead as all that. The grief lessened a little at that, that and the 8 years he had already had to get used to the idea of missing a piece of himself. And though it made him sick to his stomach he recognized the tactical advantage for what it was.

Loosing a lover to the darkness was what made him be comfort boy the last time. Now he could use that event as a probable excuse to change his whole lifestyle without making anyone suspicious, course learning about all this shit should have made him act like that in the first time. Sometimes his heart was a curse. Strangely enough he felt no guilt at planning to use the death to his advantage. Jessie worked for the powers now, he would both understand and agree if he knew. Well maybe not agree wholeheartedly, he was after all an angel and Xander had no plans whatsoever to be one of those. He was going to become a warrior for earth, not the powers. He would become whatever he had to be to make sure the world did not fall to the darkness this time around -Even if it cost him his very soul.

With grim determination Xander continued making plans in his head while he tore down the last of his old posters and trinkets and everything that no longer sat well with him and threw it in a heap on the floor. When he was done with that he started with his wardrobe, throwing away almost all of his belongings except for some slacks and plain shirts. When he was finally done with the place, not much remained of his former life. The walls were bare and most of his things were on the floor.

He sighed once, grieving for his lost childhood and the innocence that would never be his again. Then he gathered up everything from the floor and carried it to the containers outside. That done he returned to his room for his most priced boyhood possession –his comics collection. He had been quite the collector and had managed to get his hand on some fairly rare copies. All in all he should get some dough out of selling them all. He hefted the box and walked out of the mostly barren room, setting sight on the comics' dealer downtown.

Having bartered with the store owner for a package price for the whole lot of his collection, Xander emerged from the backroom nearly 3000 dollars wealthier. Jeez, he really should speak to his relatives more often; apparently they were more generous than he gave them credit for. Of course most of his comics he'd gotten from his uncle Jack who now rested 6 feet under to his knowledge, hazard of working in the military.

Xander shook his head as to rid himself of the unbidden memory that thought had brought to surface. Fallen comrades, he knew that one, having fought a war for years without the support of a whole organization behind him. It was really fucked up how the warriors for light all fought seperatly. None knowing of each other or interacting. He'd have to do something about that. Later. Much later. He could draw up plans for it maybe, if he had the time some day. But first thing's first, he had to remember that. No matter how much he wanted to he just couldn't control everything for the years to come and whatever lay on his shoulders, he had to remain focused. He was one person, he could not do everything all at once, things would have to wait, would have to be dealt with as he had the time to deal with them. Right now he had to build the foundation of his new life.

With determination he walked the last steps towards one of Sunnydale's men's stores and entered the store putting on his 'adult persona' face as he met the eyes of the clerc and made a small nod. This was a face he had started to use on the work site when he acted as supervisor…fuck just a few months ago he had been the boss at the construction team working at rebuilding the old Sunnydale High and now here he was. 16 years old again and monday morning he was supposed to go back to class. It was surreal to say the least.

He shook off the slightly disturbing feeling and started perusing the store. He picked out mainly dark clothes, cargo pants, dark slacks, black and white t-shirts only. He also picked out some shirts that he would use to hide his weapons this time around and a new dress shirt too. No more Hawaii theme. Some v-necked casual sweaters too, these in colour; blue, red and grey. He picked up a pair of combat boots, dress shoes and sneakers. Finally done after some more odds and ends had been gathered he let the cashier ring up the total. The man seemed very pleased. Xander just smiled and handed over the 1500 dollars. Taking a cab home with all his bags he soon returned downtown for more shopping and hopefully finding a martial arts school.

He went to the Magic Shop. Currently owned by one Mr. Gratchet. He picked up a spell book that he knew contained good stuff for beginners. It was one that Giles had recommended to Willow. Her being the constant overachiever of course had ignored the advice and gone directly for the big stuff. He had to make sure she didn't lose herself in the magic this time around. If necessary he would bind her powers himself, he knew how to do that, had researched that spell in particular when he sensed that she was starting to go wrong. Of course by the time he actually conceded to his own point that she was out of hand Kingman's Bluff had happened. That would not, could not happen this time around. Xander knew that he had magic of his own. He had used it, but never often; only for big stuff or that time he happened to set that book on fire. He still couldn't believe Giles' only comment to that had been to 'not speak Latin to the books' I mean, come on books don't just spontaneously combust cause you talk to them. You have to say special things and have intent. Xander had never been one to research magic to much, he had wanted to let Willow exceed in that area alone. She so desperately needed attention and appreciation. _That was then, this is now. I'll just have to take care of her some other way. Christ she's still in love with me at this moment. Have to fix that._

While continuing to plot on this new situation Xander walked through the all too familiar store. He picked up some sage, a burner and a mountain crystal, some coloured candles also made the list and a few other things. He found a beautiful poster of a fantastic landscape that he decided to frame and hang in his room. Satisfied for now with his purchases he went to the counter to pay. It was too bad really that he never tried much with the magic, he could have kept it secret and used it for a last resort. Of course he had still done that, he had done some small protections and stuff, but had never delved too deeply into the mystical arts, aborting almost all his study after that botched love spell, not that he'd actually been responsible for that. No that honour was reserved for the demon that had put a 24 hour curse of insanity on him to cover its retreat. Of course no one would have believed that explanation courtesy of his own ability to downplay himself. Digging his own grave, unknowingly digging everyone's. But really how the hell should he know that what the champions of Earth needed was a freakin' baby sitter? Well, anyways. Big no to spells like that, they were better done by people in the business like Anya or D'Hoffryn.

He smiled slightly at the memory of Anya. She was alive here, still a vengeance demon, but alive and really she shouldn't have left that business. Them getting together, though nice enough had been a mistake. He had been with her more of a sense of duty to protect than anything else. Gods, he had made so many mistakes. It really was true that the road to hell was paved by good intentions. Literally. He clenched his jaw in determination once more. Well this time there weren't going to be mistakes like that. This time he was going to listen to himself and not back down. Do things right, whether they were nice or justifiable or whatever. Just, do what needed to be done.

Leaving the magic stuff in the car Xander then headed for the only Martial Arts school in town as planned. He needed to learn some new moves and hone this young body in to shape. He had also a greater plan in mind. It involved setting up a training program for those willing to fight the darkness which he would need a skilled teacher for. Giles was too important in other areas to use. Coming to a halt infront of 'Master Shung's Dojo -Path of the Dragon' Xander felt a slight worry creep up on him. The windows were empty and boxes and crates were stacked inside. Curiously he knocked once and then tried to open the front door. To his relief it wasn't locked. He went inside.

"Mr. Shung?"

The word Master still gave him the creeps after that thing with Dracula. Sure the thrall had only set by half, that much he'd had to allow to be able to get close to the count without raising his suspicions. He had always been ready to step in and save any member of the team, when they had come to the mansion. Another bad decision. He should have just staked the bastard and been done with it. Ah well, self recrimination didn't really lead down any good path.

His voice echoed slightly off the barren walls. Looking around he could see that not all boxes were full, it looked like Mr. Shung was packing to leave. He had come just in time then, maybe he'd be able to prevent that, somehow. He had to try that was for sure. He wouldn't be able to work to his full potential if he had to get Giles or Angel to train him. Or Spike. No, Spike couldn't be trusted like that. Not yet. Having now opened his inner eyes fully, Xander could see how the master vampire had never been like other vampires; being too human all together. Something else he'd chosen to recognize only when absolutely necessary. Choosing once more to protect the core of the team and keeping Buffy from going down another road of damnation. Hadn't worked of course. Jeez, what the hell had been wrong with him all these years? Xander shook his head. No point on dwelling on the future past. That would not come to pass if he had anything to say about it, which fortunately he did.

"Hey kid. I'm sorry, but the dojo is closed for business. I'm packing up and moving out to LA."

The man the Xander assumed was Shung did not really look like he had expected, or talk like he had expected either. Which made Xander feel slightly contrite, he shouldn't make assumptions on the Hellmouth, 8 years of fighting and he still held prejudice as second nature. He shook his head, he really needed to let go of the persona he had created all those years ago.  
Mr. Shung was a middle aged man with black hair that was starting to turn grey on the sides, he was lithe and muscular and moved like a panther. His face wore a slight smile even though his eyes seemed to hold unbearable pain. Xander drew in a tiny breath at he locked gazes with those eyes. That was a look he knew all too well. One that he knew was reflected in his own eyes, more so now than ever because he let it.

"Something bad happen?" His question was low, but evenly stated. His gaze never leaving the other mans eyes.

"Yeah kid. Lost my daughter last week to this damned town."

"I'm very sorry for your loss. The fucking Hellmouth takes its toll from all of us."

"Thank you. Hellmouth huh, that's a new name."

"No, Mr Shung. I'm afraid it's a very old name. I understand your need to leave this town; hell knows I've lost loved ones too. But…I need you here."

"Excuse me?"

The Asian male looked dumbfounded at this.

"I need someone to train me in martial arts and you are the only someone available in these parts at the moment."

"Look kid, I appreciate the faith, really. But as I already told you, I'm leaving."

"Tell me Mr. Shung, did your daughter die by natural causes?"

"What the fuck are you talking about kid?"

The demeanour of the other man had suddenly changed into something quite frightening, but Xander simply held firm. He had stared down death so many times it wasn't even funny.

"Perhaps there was something strange about her death. Perhaps, there was talk of stray dogs or gangs on PCP?"

The other man's eyes had narrowed into small slits and Xander could feel himself being measured, the man closing in on him like a predator. Xander held fast still, he knew all about predators. He flinched a little though, when the other mans hand came to rest ever so lightly on his shoulder, near the base of his neck. This was playing with fire. Really, why did he never learn not to play with matches unless he was wearing flame retardant clothing?

"Kid. I really think you should go now."

"Answer my question please Mr. Shung. I'm not trying to hurt you, but this is important."

The man looked down on him with a level stare and then nodded.

"Yes, her death was reported as a gang related incident."

"I'm sorry. Have you buried her yet?"

"Yes."

"Have you visited the cemetery since?"

"No, I haven't."

Xander swallowed and closed his eyes.

"Alright. Mr. Shung. I'm going to level with you. I know who was responsible for the death of your daughter."

The man suddenly let go of him completely and backed away slightly.

"You do?"

"Yes and am wondering if you are in for a little bit of payback."

"You're crazy kid."

"Funny, you're not the first person to think that and will definitely not be the last I reckon. But no Mr. Shung. I am not crazy, well not crazier than any dumbass volunteering for frontline service who's not so recently gotten his world turned upside down and had to kill his best friend and lover in self defence no more than 12 hours ago. Why some would say I act almost sane. But then again most would just put me in the mental ward on general principle because of what I am about to tell you. So Mr. Shung. Would you like the truth and nothing but the truth so help you whoever's currently not on my shit list of the powers upstairs?"

Mr. Shung just stared at him and Xander let a little smile slip. Just enough Xander babble to be enough. That would go real soon too, but one did not make total makeovers of oneself over night. Easy does it.

"Well?"

"Look kid. I really think you should go sit down for a while and if you did kill someone I'm sure it was an accident…"

Xander sighed and pulled a hand through his hair.

"Right then. Now I've said too much to let things go. Mind if we sit Mr. Shung, you might need to."

Without waiting for an answer Xander gracefully sank to his knees with his back against the counter, leaving a good view of the door and window of the store, and then he rearranged himself quickly into a cross-legged position. One he used whenever there was mystic mojo that he had to be involved in. Letting all his muscles loosen up, his blood and breath flowing as freely as possible and clearing his mind of everything but the task at hand. He needed to get through to this man.

"Mr. Shung. Please."

He gestured to the floor. The martial arts master looked him over one more time before letting out a sigh and gracefully sinking to the floor on his knees.

"Alright kid. Start talking."

"The name is Alexander Mr. Shung. Not kid. Now. This world is older than you know and contrary to popular belief it did not start out as a paradise…"

"…So, as you can see Mr. Shung. You could do a lot for the battle against the darkness by staying here in Sunnydale and train me and others in martial arts."  
The martial arts instructors eyes had gone from amused to disbelieving to awed, through frightened to determined while listening to Xander's monologue about the things that go bump in the night. He had listened the whole time though and was now wearing an unreadable expression.

"So, Francesca, my daughter. She could be a vampire now?"

Xander winced. Damn, the man was perceptive, he had hoped that the clues wouldn't add up quite so fast, for the older man's sake.

"I'm afraid so Mr. Shung. If you want we could do a sweep of the cemetery where she was buried to see if the grave has been disturbed, as a minion however the chances are great that she has already been staked, maybe as recently as last night."

Actually, had she been made a childe her first victim would most likely have been her father from what Xander remembered hearing in the other timeline. He wasn't supposed to know that though, so he kept that to himself, no use to trouble the older man further at any rate.

"Look, Alexander. Crazy as it may seem, I actually think you're on the up and up, but I still want some sort of proof that you're not just a stark raving lunatic…"

Xander raised a hand.

"Say no more, a night of patrolling it is. Now though, if you excuse me, I need to meet up with the slayer and co. Just, please. Don't move out until you've seen for yourself what I'm talking about. And…please don't go out by yourself to hunt up some vamps. I know that you are a master in your art, but this is a different scene and I'd hate to see my teacher get hurt before he actually gets around to teaching me some stuff. Y'know…"

Realizing he was probably insulting the other man something fiercly, Xander tried on his patented goofy smile. The one that said 'hey, look I'm so nice and harmless; no one would like to hurt me, ever'.

"And when would that patrol take place?"

Xander's thoughts raced. Last night was the Harvest, today he needed to meet with the Scoobies. No, not the Scoobies, not this time around. He was meeting with the core group, that was it, the core. After that he needed to meet with Angel. Oh, what a joy, how was he going to do this? Suddenly remembering he had a question to answer, Xander shook his head.

"I don't know what night will be safe enough for an outing, I'll have to get back to you on that."

"Kid, I realize I'm new to this, but I can fend for myself. I'm sure anything a normal kid can handle, I will survive."

Xander smiled coldly.

"Yes and I'm sure you're sire will be very grateful for that attitude of yours. You're right though. I have things to do tonight that can not be put off any longer so lets say we meet here, tomorrow at sundown. I suggest you bring a sword, I'll be bringing stakes, holy water and a friend."

"You do realize that I will kick your ass if you're not on the up an´ up about this whole thing?"

"Actually, once we start training I fully expect you to kick my ass, a lot. Until I kick yours. That's the job of a good teacher right?"

"Right."

Mr. Shung looked disbelievingly at him.

"Until tomorrow then, Mr. Harris."

"Tomorrow."

Xander echoed the words in a solemn voice. Yes, tomorrow, he thought. If he lived to see the morrow that is. Oh well, he thought with a jaunty smile. I've missed the verbal sparring with Deadboy. Err… _Okay, not good to alienate future husband too much like last time. No derogatory nicknames, Xander. Get a grip, now._

With that thought he left for home once more to brush up on some reading and do some exercising before heading over to the High School library. _And won't that be a kicker. Going through High School once more. I'm really gonna enjoy blowing that place up again._


	3. Meeting an Old Friend

_**Meeting an Old Friend**_

_"See the truth that in my silence  
rests forever in the dark  
Plain to see for those who listen  
piercing whisper, flaming spark_

_When in silence know me speaking  
that is where you have my trust  
When I speak friend then be wary  
for I speak as speakers must_

_Tell a lie or tell a story  
I say what you need to hear  
Never trust someone completely  
if peace is what you most hold dear_

_Heed my silence, but be careful  
not to disregard my word  
I speak when it is required  
sometimes truth is what is heard_

_But if you need confirmation  
listen to what I don't say  
In the darkness when you stumble  
this is what will lead the way"_

/Unspoken (Trust Me I'm a Liar)

Finishing up his last set of push ups Xander went downstairs to put his videotape of tai-chi exercises to good use. Time's a wasting after all. He smiled grimly at his own humour. He had really wasted it the last go around that was for sure. Course he didn't know that the world rested squarely on his shoulders then, but really, since when had he deferred to fate anyway. Never was the answer to that question of course, being the wild card as Whistler so eloquently had put it. _I wonder if he's retained his memories of the wish or if I truly am alone in this. Gonna have to tell Angel either way, deceit's never a good start for building a healthy relationship. God, listen to you. You've been at his throat for slaughter for years and now you're not just planning on hickeys, but tying the knot for good. Xander you really are a simple minded creature sometimes._

After his workout had been completed Xander felt a little better about his whole situation, that was until he'd gotten out of the shower and was picking out what clothes to wear. Donning himself in black slacks, a tight dark blue t-shirt and a red silk shirt he really looked like a whole other person. _God, 8 years and so many sorrows. I've grown up, how the hell can I play to be a kid again? I know I did it before, but. Christ things are so different now it's not even funny. I don't want to be the goof. This is what I am now, this is who I was always supposed to be. They'll just have to accept this, cause I'm gonna be all that I can be** and I'm making no fucking excuses either.**_ The last part was actually spoken aloud as well and Xander winced slightly at his own grim face. Alright so there was some bitterness there. That wasn't so good. He had to remember that they were all so very young now. Things were only getting started. Sure Giles was not so much on the young side, but if Xander remembered correctly this had been his first slayer.

_Gonna hafta stabilize the old geezer too, he's locked Ripper so far away it aint't even funny. We need all of him damnit, he's just gonna hafta find the balance. Hopefully I'll be able to help by taking on some responsibility. Somehow weaselling my way in and around and… Damnit, I have to go. Allright Xand-man. You can do this. Remember these are your friends. Although, Buffy don't know you half well yet and Willow knows nothing of this new you. Giles is hardly even familiar with me, Angel's just met the Buffster oh and I'm not supposed to know about these things before I met Buffy. Oh yeah, this is gonna be a riot. Allright time for the acting role of a lifetime to commence._

Xander stepped into the library at Sunnydale High and had to stop just inside the doors just to look at the place where he and the defenders of the Hellmouth had spent so much time together. He could practically see Buffy playing with a stake infront of one of the big tables while regaling some story about how stupid the last vampire she slayed had been. Willow would sit by the computer hacking into the coroner's report at the police station. Giles would be standing by the table over there, polishing his glasses. Oz would be sitting in a corner practicing some complex guitar accords. Cordelia would be sitting in a chair with her feet on the table, idly polishing her nails.

Shadows of a distant past that had yet to become. Memories of the strongest friendships that had yet to be forged. Betrayals, fights to the death, gossiping, researching he could remember it all standing here and a lump formed in his throath that he ruthlessly pushed back down. _Don't cry Xander. You haven't lost any of them yet and if you play this right you won't have to for many years to come._ But the trouble was that he had lost them in a way, because he had yet to gain them. For now, only Willow knew him since earlier years and now she didn't really know him at all. Giles, he'd hardly met. Buffy he'd talked to, but hardly more than that. Cordelia was still an insufferable brat and Oz had yet to step into the picture. And though Xander was prepared to do whatever to make sure that the reign of mankind didn't end this time around he was forced to see that for every change he made however small, things would change from what he remembered. He was after all the wild card and as such it was in his power to change fate. That was after all why he had been allowed to keep his memories of the previous timeline.

But if things didn't play out the way they did before the people he had come to love over the years would be affected as well. Would he still retain his friendship with Willow when he had changed so much, to her seemingly over night? Would Buffy want to be his friend when he was so serious about the fight now, her being tired and scared of her destiny and somewhat full of herself? Would Giles still think of him as the son he never had when Xander wouldn't be the goofy, young kid that always kipped a joke in the face of danger? How would Cordy come into the fight this time around when he wasn't there to be her boyfriend and verbal sparring partner? What would happen with Oz? Was there a way for Xander to prevent the young musician from turning into a werewolf and if he could, should he do that? Knowing that Oz would become a great asset to the LA team after having learned to control the wolf within, could he meddle with destiny like that? He could. That was the problem. He could literally play god and that was one of the scariest thoughts Xander had ever had. That was sooo dangerous. Gods, he'd have to be sooo careful to always choose the right path, but prioritising between his friends and the fate of the world, this time he would make the right choice. The Hellmouth would be protected and that was the end of it. _But please, Powers That Be, please let me keep my friends… Please don't let me be all alone in this. I remember that line too well. The slayer is always alone. A Champion is in the end, always alone. I can't take that!_  
Xander forced himself to calm down, now was not the time to panic. He had a plan, a good plan, this would work out, there was no alternative. _There is no try, Xand-man. There is only do or do not and you will do this. _

Having resolved his feelings and aligned his thoughts with the purpose that had brought him here he went to the back rows of the library shelves to see what occult books were out in the open. Seeing that most of the usual ones where and some of the unusual ones as well, he went over them all with his fingers, muttering a small detection spell that Giles had thought him while he had helped doing inventory in the magic shop to make sure non of the books were warded. Being satisfied that they were safe he checked upon what languages they were in and what dictionaries were available. Having done this also he took a deep breath and headed for Giles' inner office. Hoping to catch the watcher for a private chat before meeting the rest of the scoobies. _Core group, Xander, remember that, not the scoobies. Alright, hope he falls for this._

Knocking on the Watcher's door he was relieved to hear the faint –come, from within. _Alright, here goes nothing. _

"Giles?"

"Mr. Harris."

Giles returned to his seat behind the desk, surreptitiously stashing away a stake that he had held in his hand. It was done so swiftly an untrained eye wouldn't have caught the movement.

"Is there something I can do for you?"

"Please, Giles, call me Xander and yes there is or rather I was wondering if you had some time to spare for me, I need to speak to you before the others arrive."

"I see."

Giles blinked once and gestured to a chair in front of the desk, a chair full of books.

"Just put the books on the desk, carefully and please have a seat."

"Thank you."

Xander smiled slightly and after having closed the door firmly he removed the volumes with utmost care before seating himself.

"I have some things to tell you and I'm not really sure how…"

"Is this about Miss. Summers?"

"In a way it is, but in a way it isn't. It's mostly about me and…the fight against darkness."

"I see."

Xander could see that his former mentor was confused and he mentally sighed. This was going to be so much harder than he thought, sitting here and treading a fine line between truth and lies before the closest thing he'd ever had to a father figure. But, it had to be done.

"I had to stake my lover last night."

Xander looked quickly into his former mentor's eyes before studiously turning his gaze to some of the books lying on the desk and around the room. When he continued to speak his voice was unbelievably clear and he felt detached from what he was saying, the pain still raging inside was held in check by years of practice.

"His name was Jessie, he had been taken by that blonde vampire the night before and turned. He told me there was nothing wrong with him, that he felt amazing so strong and free and when I looked in his eyes I could see that it was still him somehow and he wanted me to join them, become a vampire too so I guess he still loved me or something."

He laughed bitterly at that. Yeah right, vampires didn't love, not normal ones. There would always be exceptions to every rule of course, like Spike, but all in all, vampires where monsters.

"Still wasn't really him though, not really, I knew that. I had the stake raised before me ready to strike, when someone collided with him from behind and he fell on to me. I guess it could be considered a comfort that I didn't deliberately drive the stake through his heart since it technically was an accident, but that's only half true cuz as I said, I held the stake ready. I was going to do it, kill my lover, or what was left of him at any rate. He looked so shocked when it pierced his heart, Giles. Like he couldn't believe I had actually done it. His eyes where just so big and beautiful right when he turned to dust, like you wouldn't believe… He didn't look like a monster then, not at all. It didn't feel like I was staked a monster. It felt like I had just killed my lover. I don't want anyone to ever have to go through something like that so I'm here to tell you that I want to fight against the darkness like you do, like Buffy does. I can't turn away now and I won't, not when I know what's out there. I have to do my part to protect the world and everybody else's loved ones now, knowing the cost of ignorance I can't do anything else. I'm in Giles, all the way in, for the rest of my life."

At those last, solemn words Xander locked eyes with the older man and tried to convey to him his sincerity.

Giles looked stunned for a moment and then deeply regretful.

"I am so sorry for your loss, Xander. I really am, but the life of a demon hunter is a perilous one and you are, if you'll forgive me, only a high school boy. Assuming I were to condone your continued presence in the 'fight' as you so strikingly put it. What could you do?"

Now, here was what he had been waiting for. The opening. This was where history would change forever. This was what he had planned.

"All right, Giles. I'll level with you. I've not exactly been spilling all about what I know about demons and such. I actually do know, a lot, about them and some about magic too. I'm not big on the magic though, not yet, but I'm learning. I want to go slow you know. The reason why I didn't try anything yesterday was because I'd never used it in a situation like that before and I wasn't sure how it would have worked. But I would have tried something if I thought that Buffy was losing, I promise. And it's not like I knew about demons and the Hellmouth as such, I mean. I know about it in theory, but I never knew it was real before. I just like reading about stuff like that, you know."

Xander mentally cheered at having somewhat cut down on the babble. So he wasn't entirely coherent, but that was to be expected.

"This is quite unexpected, Xander. What exactly have you read about demons and their kind and where if you don't mind me inquiring have you seen these texts?"

"Oh I've read all the books in the back shelves in the library, some I have read here and some in the town library and some texts on the net as well."

"Not all of those books are in English, Xander."

Giles looked kind of suspicious.

"Ah, no they're not."

Xander tried to look suitably sheepish.

"Some are in Latin and Sumerian and Greek, I've come across some funny looking laguages too that I think may be really old or something cause I have only been able to translate them by using sources on the internet, which if you think about it is real funny in a way. Or…maybe they're demonic? I guess since demons do exist it's only natural that they should have languanges too… "  
Giles took off his glasses and started polishing them. _Way to go, Xand-man, you've completely taken him by surprise! _

"As a matter of fact, there are several demonic languages, some of which can be found in books, though I do not know how you could have come across them…"

Suddenly he put back the glasses on his nose and gazed steadily at Xander.

_"So you speak these languages then?_"

Giles asked in Latin.

Xander shrugged.

"Well not that good, I mean I can read them and stuff and I'm pretty good with Latin, but you don't really get opportunity to speak any of the other languages you know."

"I suppose that you are right about that."

Giles kept regarding him through his glasses and Xander felt an uncomfortable need to squirm or start to babble, but he kept quiet and forced himself not to start to fiddle with anything.

"Yes, well are you going to explain? What do you know, what have you read and regarding magic, what have you done?"

Xander blinked. This was easy. Way easy. Hadn't Giles been more stuck up than this? Xander thought he had been, maybe he'd been wrong, this was after all the same man that had been able to somehow level with Buffy the very epitome of anti authority. Giles had been young once and had had a somewhat stormy past so of course he could be reasonable and certainly he understood loss and the need to fight back against the darkness, he was a field watcher after all. And of course now that Xander had knowledge and magic, the ballgame was totally different altogether. That felt a little bitter, but Xander squelched that feeling. He couldn't blame this Giles for times that would never come and as Whistler had pointed out, he was as much to blame as anyone. Sure it would be nice if you could just be appreciated for being human and wanting to help, but could you blame a general for looking to strong allies in times of war? You really couldn't.

"Well, I don't know if everything I've read is true of course, but I know some demonic characteristics and how to kill various types, some demon and vampiric lore also. Quite a lot about legends and stuff, especially African ones. I know you should never use the word 'wish' out loud, heard some gory tales about that from people, for example there's this Vengeance Demon I came across in a book that makes scorned women's wishes come true, I think her name's Anyanka. And yeah, some other odd stuff. I know the basics of magic and some odd spells, some protection spells, I came across one or two that could be used to ward off demons from your homes. One I think was especially for disinviting vampires, is it true that they have to be invited before they can enter a house?"

"Yes that is quite true."

"Wow, I'm never inviting anyone inside my home again. Do you think a simple gesture would work instead or would that count as inviting as well? Do welcome mats and such count?"

Xander almost had to smile at the bewildered expression on the watcher's face. He wasn't really being fair, he knew that. But it was better that they knew as much as possible about protecting themselves from the get go. Waiting around for someone else to think of things could very well get one of them killed.

"Yes. I do believe Welcome mats count as an invite. Anything where the actual words are present I think. However a simple gesture should not be dangerous in this aspect."

"Okay, cool."

Xander beamed.

"I also know a few more heavy spells, but as I said, I haven't delved too deeply yet. Magic is dangerous if misused and should be treated with respect, don't you think? By the way, do you know of any way to check if people have any aptitude for magic? I've been sensing something from Willow I think, but I don't know. Maybe you would like to check us out, see if we could be of any use to the cause, you know."

He tried to look suitably eager and serious at the same time. Quite a feat if he did say so himself.

"Well, I'll certainly look into it, Xander. Anything else?"

"Yes…well. Yeah."

Xander paused. This was the tricky part.

"I can kinda sense things. Like danger and stuff you know if someone's coming up from behind, that sort of thing. And…this is hard to explain, but I…I know things. I can see things, in my dream you know and sometimes just a flash while awake. It's really confusing sometimes. Like when I meet someone and I can see what they're like and sometimes it's more than that. Sometimes it's like premonitions and other times I simply know things, with crystal clear certainty. Things I shouldn't be able to know and I see things, like opportunities or pathways in destiny or whatever you would like to call it. Different directions that things could run in. Like with that Vampire, the vessel. I know his name was Luke and that woman that took Jesse. That was Darla, she was sired by the master and in my dreams… I saw Buffy meeting with a dark haired man in an alley, it was the one she told you about, the cryptic one… I couldn't see his face, but I know he was a vampire, with a soul. And there's more too… I've dreamt about so many things like a blond vampire and a dark-haired woman in lace driving into town in an old Desoto with blacked out windows. I saw a young boy that vampires bowed down to and I saw something evil dwelling underneath the Earth, I think it was right underneath this library. It felt like the thing was trapped somehow and it smelled of death. And I saw a woman turn itnto a praying mantis, a man turning into bugs, a girl starting to fade away before people's eyes and… God, I don't know… There were so many things… Maybe it's nothing, but I think it is, something and I think it's important. "

Xander could practically hear the silence in the room, as if it had a sound of its own somehow. He gazed at Giles and tried to gauge his reaction to these last statements. Would he be believed and would this cover story be enough for everything that was to come? If this didn't work he was going to have to come clean and that might be disastrous right now.

"That, certainly sounds astounding, Xander. Perhaps you are a seer of sorts, if this is real than it could be of magnificent use to us here at the Hellmouth. The watcher's council would be very interested to hear about it if it were…"

"Whoa, whoa…"

Xander could feel a chill travelling down his spine at the excited words.

"Don't go overboard please, now I wasn't going to mention this but I don't think that your Watcher's Council is all it's cracked up to be. I've felt and seen some funky stuff about it, like people in black killing humans and little girls being drugged and forced to fight a vampire afterwards. Now, maybe I've misinterpreted what those images mean, but it still doesn't fill me up with confidence so I'm gonna have to put my foot down and say that nothing about me must travel through the channels to your Council just yet."

He raised a hand to forestall any indignant protests.

"Now, I know that they are your employers and you feel a responsibility to report back to them. All I ask is that you wait until I am out of High School at least. Please, Giles. I am not a slayer. I'm young and I am choosing to spend my youth fighting evil, please don't bring more into this for me to handle. You may trust the Council, I do not, what I am doing though is trusting you with my secrets and so I'm asking you to not abuse that trust. I have no obligation to work with you and I could go on my own merry way and try to find other ways to fight, you don't know what you would loose if that where to happen, so please… Do the right thing…"

After that last little speech Xander was quiet. This was it, he thought. This was the point of no return. If he felt that his 'trust' would be breached he would have to go to Angel and sever the ties with the core. He was too young and too inexperienced in wielding his power to take on the Watcher's Council at this time.

Giles had once again taken off his glasses and was polishing them furiously. Xander would have paid a great deal to know what was going on in the older man's brain at that time.

Finally the glasses where once again placed, on the table. Okay, this was new. Xander rested his wary eyes on the spot were they lay before he let his gaze travel upwards to lock with the Watcher's. _Ripper's eyes_ That was his first thought. _Those are Ripper's eyes. Now, what's going on._

"Xander."

He swallowed at the use of his name spoken in such a patient voice.

"I do not think that you are telling me all there is to know, however I do believe that your wish to help is sincere and that you could be of great help here on the Hellmouth. You are quite correct about the Council, though they exist for a noble purpose some of their methods are shady at best and I believe that they might want to use you for their own purposes should they find out about your, uniqueness. I will therefore honour your request not to mention it as such in my future reports and if or when my feelings on the matter change I will consult you before sending in a report, on that you have my word. I believe it would be best if perhaps you would start to keep a dreambook to help remember those dreams that you see as prophetic or otherwise noteworthy and then show it to me so that we might better be prepared for any future trouble. But now I am afraid that time is running short for our conversation. I believe your friend and my charge have all arrived outside. Perhaps we should join them?"

"Yeah, of course. Thank you Giles, thank you for believing in me."

"Think nothing of it my boy. However, should you by any chance prove to be other than trustworthy and endanger my slayer I will become quiet unpleasant I assure you."

_Yep, that was pure Ripper. Almost like getting the shovel talk from Willow. _

"I trust that you will do what you see as right, Giles. As will I."

_Yes I will and I can only pray that when the truth does come out if it does and it probably will because secrets that are buried are never buried deep enough it seems, at least on the Hellmouth. I hope that you won't do something drastic, like say…try to kill me._


	4. Friendship of the Ages

_**Friendship of the Ages**_

"_Such a perfect mask you're wearing  
Such a wicked work of art  
Too bad that I'm a playwrite  
and the show's about to start"_

/Extract from the poem Wicked Man

Xander walked out from Giles' office and into the library with the same confidence he used when walking in to a trap while knowing it was a trap, terrified but determined to fight. His eyes immediately fell on the people gathered by the large wooden table in the middle of the room. Gods how many nights he'd sat at that table researching, making jokes, saving the world. He felt his heart clench at the thought of all they had gone through over the years. All the pains that in this timeline still lay before them. He would do his best to make things right, but living on the Hellmouth he had early on learned some things and among those were that you couldn't save them all and you couldn't take all the pain on yourself.

Jesus Christ he felt old. So fucking old, right this minute, while looking at Buffy and Willow sitting there by the hardwood table so young and confused and vibrating with life. So unlike the people they had become in his timeline. Xander tried to make the face of the innocent looking redhead match the one of the woman who had skinned someone alive and almost ended the world, but it just felt so surreal. It was like they weren't even the same people. How could all that capacity for darkness be hidden inside such a sweet teenager who almost always blushed before speaking and was always so eager to help? And Buffy, there she sat in all her golden glory, a slayer with only victory behind her so far, but who already was so tired of the game that she just wanted out. A girl who wanted to be a cheerleader, a naive girl, but still strong. There was darkness there too, but right now as the sun shone down on her golden hair he could barely see past the exterior that had once been his teenage crush. _Oh, how the years changes us._

Xander blinked once to clear his mind, all those thoughts come and gone within two steps of walking to the table behind Giles. He Had To Get A Grip. This was getting tiresome, he was becoming a brood and that would simply not do. He had a fresh chance here, a brand new day if there ever was one and he was going to take it. He was going to make it through thus without going totally insane, that was what was going to happen.

Glad that thoughts were processed so much faster than it took to take one step more Xander gathered himself like in a meditative exercise. It was something he had learned while fighting, to just put all your fear and doubt aside and just be in the moment, because the moment was all you had. It was almost instantaneous by now, that lock down and opening up of his heart and mind. Useful, very useful, he wished he'd had that capacity in the early days when things where so hard and then he had to smile a little, just because he forgot and remembered, he did have it now, this was the past, this was now, there were no regrets, there was future here and there was hope.

With that light-hearted thought he settled down on a chair facing the entrance and most of the windows of the library. Battle ingrained security issues were hard to overcome and really, he shouldn't try to overcome them. It was what mattered now, to keep them all safe.  
Wiping the smile off his face the moment he touched the seat Xander scooted closer to Willow and put an arm over her shoulder. He remembered that she was still in the stage where she had a huge crush on him and he knew that what he was about to say would both hurt and confuse her. He didn't want to hurt this sweet, innocent girl, but there really was no way around it.

"Hey, Wills. How'ya doing?"

"I'm fine Xan. What's up?"

"A lot actually." Xander nodded towards Giles' office. "Mind if we borrow your office for a while Giles? Need to talk to my girl here."

"Of course. Take your time."

"Great. What''d ya say Wills, me and you and I nice library office?"

"Xan? What's going on?"

"Need to talk to you for a mo' Willow girl. It's important."

"Xander? You're scaring me here."

"No need to be scared. Nothing dangerous, just important. C'mon. Let's split."  
Willow nodded uncertainly and rose from her chair, Xander's arm slipping from her shoulder only to let his hand rest protectively on her lower back.

"We'll be out soon, guys."

They proceeded to the office and Xander could just hear Buffy's confused question as the door closed.

"What the hell was that all about?"

She was the next one on the list of people to talk to, but he needed this with Willow to be in private. It was only fair.

"Why don't you sit down for a bit Wills."

Xander gestured to the chair he had vacated earlier and as she sat down he dropped to the floor next to her seating himself with his legs crossed feeling completely at ease in this office that was as much part of his teenage years as the Bronze in some ways. After a moment's hesitation Xander reached out for her hand and held it with one of his. Looking down at the small hand Xander couldn't help but envision the same hands shooting black magic towards him at Kingman's Bluff and later holding 'the scythe' while calling those who were never meant to be called. Such power could they wield these small hands, so much destruction were they capable of, but still so much kindness there. Now, still there. _Get on with it Harris! No rest for the wicked. _

"All right Willow. I'm not sure how to begin telling you this actually so you'll have to forgive me if I babble some okay?"

"You don't babble Xan, that's my forte. You just sort of, say a lot of things sometimes in a short time, that's all."

Xander smiled, that was his Willow girl, always helpful. If only she'd stay as sweet. All right so that was a bit unfair, you couldn't stay sweet on the Hellmouth and survive, but he could dream couldn't he?

"Right. Thanks Wills. Anyways. This is the situation. There are some things that I've never told you about before that I need to tell you now. Things about me and who I am and who I'm gonna be from now on. You know I'm not as stupid as I sometimes let on and although I joke around a lot I can actually be quite serious too when I want to be. And although I've let some guys, specifically Larry get the best of me at times it's never actually been because I can't stand up for myself. Whenever someone was mean to you or Jess I always stuck up for you right? And I did some things that weren't exactly nice in the progress. I'm not sure if you know about the times I've beat somebody up for you guys behind your backs. I never really wanted you to know about it cause you're my Willow girl you know and I know you don't like violence. The thing is that I know that violence is sometimes necessary and if I can I will do what I have to so that nobody else'll have to stand the consequences. But enough about that. As I said I'm not as stupid as I might act, actually I'm really rather smart."

"Sure you are, Xander. I know you are and did I thank you for standing up for me and stuff? I think I did, I should have done. I did thank you, didn't I. Oh gods XanderI'msorryIdidn'tmeantobeuungratefulandifI'veimpliedyou'reanythingbutsmartI'm really, really sorry."

Xander cut her off with a copy of his old goofy smile. He just couldn't help himself, this was his Willow, not Red, one of the most powerful witches in the world.

"It's allright Willow, this isn't critique on you. I'm just leading up to some stuff. Bare with me okay? Anyway as I was saying I actually like to read and I'm interested in things like the Hellmouth. I know some languages and have read a lot about demons and things. Of course I've never actually met any before, but I was always interested. I believe in magic, mostly because I can do some stuff and I have what you could call a sixth sense. I dream things and sometimes I see things when awake too and know things that I shouldn't."

"Wow, Xander are you serious? Why did you never tell me? Can you dream of exams and stuff? Oh my god, that's why you never study, that must be so great!"

"Willow, Willow, no. That's not it at all and about magic, well. You're a science geek, Wills. I didn't think you'd be interested. What I'm leading up to is this: despite my seer abilities if you so will I was not able to save Jess before it was too late. Some things just aren't meant to be changed I guess. Jessie and I we were kinda involved Willow. He was my boyfriend, that's why I've pretended that I didn't know you were interested in me. We never told you because we had only been seeing each other like that for a few months and we didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry."

He took a deep, steadying breath.

"The reason I'm telling you all of this now is because I've decided that I'm gonna keep on working with Buffy and Giles against the forces of darkness. I would have done so regardless, but I have extra…incentive now because of Jessie. Willow… Jessie was caught by the vampires the day before yesterday, yeah, but we didn't find him. He was turned and yesterday he showed up at the Bronze. I had to stake him then. He's dead Willow. Jessie's dead."

Tears were streaming down her white face and tears were flooding down his cheeks as well. _Oh, lookie I can still cry. Fucking life. Fucking powers that bloody be. Blood on their hands and I have to wash it._

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…."

The low whining litany was sounding breathed from Willow's lips over and over again as she slowly began rocking on the chair. Worried Xander manhandled her down so that she was cradled in his arms. His tears still flowing freely at the sight of her distress and he reflected back to a similar position those years ago at Kingman's Bluff. Comfortador the First Slayer had called him in a somewhat condescending manor. It was true too; like he was the protector he was the comforter. In the previous timeline he had neglected the first in favour of the second. This time around he would strive to be both.

"Sschh… Wills it's all right. It's all right. Jessie is fine now. The guys upstairs even gave him a job. He's a guardian angel now. That's why I couldn't save him. Sschh…hush now baby girl."

He held her until her sobs quieted down and she started taking long breaths to calm. Then he leaned back a little and produced some tissues that he had had the foresight to bring with him. He pushed the hair out of her face and handed her the paper.

"Here ya go Willster. Feeling better now?"

"Little. Xan, why couldn't you just tell me? I would have understood."

"Ah, Will. As I said about the magic, you're a science geek and anyway, I wasn't sure enough about things myself to talk about it and me and Jess…well we were going to tell you. Just waiting on the right time to tell you. We wanted to be sure and you know, be just together for a while without angst. Okay?"

"Hm. 'Kay. Xan… Jessie's dead."

"I know Wills. I know."

The quiet words of acceptance triggered another crying fit and Xander held his old friend in his arms until they had both cried tears of release. It felt good to be able to share his emotions with Willow like this. As the years passed they had grown further and further apart and Willow had grown cold. That was one of the things that he was absolutely determined to prevent.

After the tears had dried they sat a while longer just holding on to each other before Willow finally moved away. Xander helped her up off of the floor and they headed out to the main library once more.

"You gonna be all right Wills?"

"Sure. I just, I need some time you know Xan. I'd like to go home for a while, think on this."

Xander looked outside. It wasn't dark yet.

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. If you wanna talk I… Well actually I'm not really sure where I'm gonna be, but I'll swing by here after lunch probably."

"Actually Xan. How about I just meet you on Monday as usual…"

Xander's heart clenched.

"Wills…"

"I know. I just… Monday Xan, okay?"

He sighed defeated.

"Yeah okay, Monday."

He took her slight frame in his arms and kissed her forehead gently before letting go.

"I love you Willow girl."

"Yeah. I love you too. Bye."

As she turned he could see a stray tear running down her cheek, but he let it go. She hurried out and he let his eyes linger a while on her retreating back before turning to the sound of a dull thudding in the training area of the library. Smiling slightly at the familiar sound of boxing gloves striking on training pads he went over in that direction.

"Hey Buffy. Take it easy on the gloves, they haven't hurt you have they?"

She threw her hair in the opposite direction before turning her head towards him and shooting off a blinding smile.

"Nah, they're nice enough these days it's just the stuffy librarian guy that won't tell me what's going down."

"Ah."

He nodded knowingly.

"In that case, you might want to take out your frustrations on the guilty party instead namely me. You mind taking a break Giles. Let me talk to your slayer for a bit?"

"Well if you must."

The tone was put out, but Xander could feel the gratefulness there. Wow, he'd forgotten how Buffy could pound on Giles too when she was in a mood. Strange since he'd taken his share of punishment as well over the years in her training sessions. They hadn't had to put up with that kind of thing as much in the later years thanks too Spike's presence. Having supernatural strength he provided a much more fitting sparring partner and of course Buffy enjoyed kicking his ass. Xander shook his head internally. Poor Spike, everybody's favourite punching bag.

Well. Giles didn't seem too much worse for wear. Actually he looked quite good. Xander had catalogued all the changes in the man of course when first meeting him again, but it was not until now that he really let himself react to them. Wow. Giles must have aged 20 years during the 7 they had fought together. In the here and now he didn't look that old at all. Maybe in his 40's.

Xander shook his head inwardly. Well that was good. A youngish Giles meant he would be easier to reconcile with Ripper once more. Wonder where Ethan is right now. I always figured those two had more of a history than either would confirm. I have a feeling that they actually need each other. That was a thought for later though.

He returned his attention to the slayer that was removing the boxing gloves from her hands. Now this was going to be interesting. The problem with Buffy in the previous timeline had been twofold on the one hand she couldn't really accept working with 'normals' on the other hand she was extremely possessive of her perceived place of Alpha and would sooner or later attack or turn away from anyone that looked to rival her in strength or influence somehow. That was the main reason why Xander had treaded the fine line before. He'd let her have her kingdom and that had gotten all shot to hell, literally. So, new plan. He'd have to deprogram her of this chosen one nonsense. Sure she was chosen, but she wasn't the only fighter in the world and not necessarily the most important player out there and definitely not anymore.

"So Buffy. You want to know what's going on? Let's take a seat then shall we?"

He gestured to the 'research table' and headed there before her taking the same seat he chose when first entering.

Buffy approached the table with a suspicious look on her face but sunk down on the chair directly opposite his own in a boneless sprawl that spoke of complete relaxation if you hadn't worked beside Buffy for the last 7-8 years and knew the tell tale signs of her being ready to spring.

"Well, I'm listening."

She said in her usual slightly arrogant way while playing with a stake she'd picked up on the way over.

"Actually I'd really appreciated it if you did, listen that is and not just assume I'm the next big bad on your target list. Wanna' get rid of the wooden implement for me Buffster?"

"Huh?"

She looked down on the stake and smiled self-consciously.

"Sorry."

She threw the stake away to the other side of the room where it landed square centre in the dummy's chest. Scary.

"Oookay then. I've already spoken to Willow and Giles about this so I guess now it's your time to get the 410 of the Xand-man."

"Buffy. Though in my 16 years of living on the Hellmouth I never encountered a vampire that I was aware of before you came to town I do know some things about the supernatural. It's a hobby of mine I guess. I've read tons of dusty old volumes about the subject and I also have some magical knowledge that could maybe be useful in the slayage around here. Which is what I intend to use it for. Besides that I have some seer capabilities, but they're not really the type of things you can use on command. I'm telling you this though so that you know that if and when I tell you I know something about someone or that something is going down, you can trust my word and let me bother with how or why I know stuff. So I'm gonna be fighting and researching with you and Giles from now on, 'kay?"

Buffy blinked, once, twice, then frowned.

"Knowledge guy, gotcha."

"Yeah."

He smiled.

"I guess you could call me that. But I'm an action kinda guy too so if you expect me to take the same approach to slaying as your watcher then you've got another thing coming. I know how to handle myself in a fight and I'm training to be better."

"Look, Xander. I respect that you know stuff and apparently are like this oracle type guy or whatever, but slaying's dangerous and it's my job to do. So if you just hang with Giles and do with the researching and pointing me in the right direction I can take it from there."

Xander frowned and shook his head.

"No. Not okay. Look Buffy I know you've got this whole chosen spiel running around in your head and the prime directive of fight, protect, kill, but it can be good to have other people around in a fight you know. You might be a supernaturally charged power package, but you're still mostly human and above all you are not invincible. Someday there's gonna be a big nasty coming your way that is just bigger and nastier than you can handle or you'll simply be caught outnumbered by your foes. When that happens and I do mean when, not if, you'll be grateful to have somebody around to watch your back just as you watch theirs. The rest of the world has an equal right to fight the darkness on their own terms Buffy. You might be chosen for this fight, but that does not mean that it's all about you. You're a drafted soldier with some perks, but if there weren't volunteers to fight this war too do you really think that we'd all still be alive?"

Buffy sat silent for a while and looked down at the table seemingly deep in thought.

"I guess you're right. I never really thought about it, ya know. Being a slayer has just always been this thing where I feel like no matter what I'm always alone and I always knew that I'd die alone to. This unsung hero. It was kinda romantic you know, in a twisted, not so much kinda way. But I'd really prefer the staying alive bit, if I get a choice. And I guess there's gotta be more people out there doing something, maybe not what I do. But there's gotta be people fighting 'cuz otherwise it's like you said, we'd all be dead."

She looked up and locked eyes with him nodding decisively.

"You wanna fight. That's fine with me. Just don't get killed or I'm gonna seriously be kicking your ass."

Buffy offered her tiny hand to shake over the table and Xander grasped it with a smile on his lips.

"It's a deal."

Having shook on it they both relaxed slightly and Buffy shot a thoughtful look towards the double doors of the library.

"So, was that why Willow left? She didn't like you joining in with the slayage full time?"

"No. Well I don't think so. It's more about the things I didn't tell her before and I gave her some very bad news too which I should probably share with you. The guy who got caught with Willow? The one we couldn't save from Darla? That's the name of that blonde vampire bitch by the way. Well. You actually met him once. His name was Jessie and he was my sort of boyfriend."

Xander took a deep steadying breath, damn but this was getting to him. He'd talked about Jessie more in the last few hours than he could remember ever having talked about him before. After the last time he'd staked him he'd pretty much just shut down that whole part of his brain. As far as he knew, Willow in the previous timeline didn't even know about the vampire bit. He'd never had the heart to tell her. He'd used to go around to his parents from time to time to check up on them and he'd go to the hidden clearing in the forest where they'd used to head off to, to just be together. Sometimes he'd talk to Jessie there like he was still around, but he had hardly ever mentioned his name to another live being again.

"Well. He, Jessie had been turned and he came around to the Bronze and was threatening people and there was this confrontation and I staked him. Right in the heart on the first try, he went poof and that as they say was that."

He tried fro a slight humorous tone at the end, but he choked on it. So he offered a sad smile instead.

Buffy looked gobsmacked for a second before utilizing those slayer enhancements and coming over to his side of the table before he had hardly time to react. Her tiny arms wound around his shoulders and her head landed on top of his and she squeezed.

"God, Xander. I'm so sorry. You've got to be devastated and here I'm talking about how you shouldn't fight. Damn right you should. Revenge doesn't warm the bed at night but it sure as hell beats doing nothing at all!"

Xander snaked an arm up and held on to one of hers revelling in the feeling of his friends arms around him. There hadn't been much room for hugs in the latest years of fighting and the last year he'd hardly set eyes on any of the old Scooby gang.

"Yeah thanks…"

He managed to choke out feeling a tight knot forming in his throat once more. Damn, he was so emotional it wasn't even funny. Jessie had been gone for years now and Buffy was his friend again, still, or whatever. There was no reason to cry. Closing his eyes tight Xander inhaled deeply through his nose and put himself together again.

"I'm gonna be allright Buffy. I'm knowledge guy remember and I know that Jessie's somewhere doing important things right now. Death isn't really the end you know."

"You mean, you know, know?"

Her head left his and she gazed down on him with a questioning face.

"Yep. Apparently he's some kind of guardian angel or something."

Buffy beamed.

"That's great! You know, that you can know those things. I mean it doesn't change that he's dead and you know, not here. But it' still of the good, right?"

"Right."

Xander nodded and smiled before he stood and hugged her once more.

"Thanks Buff. I'm gonna go now. I've got one more stop to do on my 'tell all' list before I call it a night. You gonna be here tomorrow though?"

"Yep."

She nodded and offered another bright smile.

"I've gotta punish those gloves some more you know."

"Yeah, I know. All right, I'll be by here tomorrow then. Have a good night Buffy and be careful if you're going on patrol. We're not out of the woods yet."

"All right. You be careful too and good luck with your friend."

Internally Xander winced at that honest well wishing. _Yeah thanks Buff, I'm gonna head off and seduce the love of your life now. Ciao._

"Thanks, Buff. C ya."

"Giles!"

He shouted towards the back of the book cages.

"You bellowed?"

Giles responded in a dry voice as he appeared.

"Yeah. Sorry. I'm heading out now, but I thought I'd come back tomorrow and was wondering if you want me to sit down with you and review what books I've read and just generally taking my measure and swap some knowledge and stuff."

"That actually sounds like a most excellent idea Xander. I shall except you bright and early then?"

Xander winced.

"Not that early. I'm heading off to a friend for a not so pleasant chat about you know what and it'll probably be an all nighter, so sometime before or after lunch probably. If that's okay?"

"That will be fine then. Good luck and good night to you."

"Thanks, you too."  
With that. Xander headed out of the library to his next and most dreaded stop of the night: Angel's place.


	5. Fated Meeting

_**Fated Meeting**_

"To know is to forgive a failing twice  
whether or not it caused any harm  
to boldly go gentle is the lesson learned  
and keep faith for a fourth time charm

'Til we leave this wheel we'll be growing  
as the journey we take is never done  
Hope not for forgiveness but redemption  
for if you cheat the game is never won

I've watched my walls building 'round me  
but I've torn down a few along the way  
And as long as the wheel keeps on turning  
I will find my redemption one day"

/Extract from the poem Only Human

Xander treaded warily towards Angel's old Apartment complex. He'd only been there once before, but that one time was vividly remembered. Of course this time he would really try to not stick a cross in the vampire's face as a greeting. Getting Angel on that fateful day was one of very few times when he had utilized the gifts the Hellmouth had granted him in order to track the vampire down. Now he relied solely on the fact that every moment of that race against death was etched in his memory including the exact location of Angel's home, what he had been wearing at the time and how powerful he'd felt with the Hyena so close to the surface.

Xander shook himself free. Why Angel had acted the way he had that day was a mystery to the young man, for a hero he had been very un-heroic under the circumstances. Why though, that was the question. His actions that day were some of the justification for Xander's later animosity, but were they the acts of a cowardly egotist or was there more behind that encounter? All posturing aside Xander had been able to see heroic qualities in the powers' champion later on and to some extent before that bellied the image projected on that day. Maybe the vampire simply had been afraid and seen the whole thing as doomed, but why? He was supposed to be a hero, but as Xander thought about it he realized that he didn't really know that much about the vampire in these early days and where had Angel been before coming here and what had he been doing? Xander wished he could have dragged more details out of Whistler before coming here.

The whole concept of the soulcurse had always confused Xander. If it worked in the way of fetching Liam's soul from heaven and then installing it in the vampiric body, why could Liam remember everything the demon had done and most importantly why should he be subject for judgment? After all it was 'the soul' that was seeking redemption and why should an innocent man have to seek redemption? Was Angel simply being used or was there more to this souled demon business than met the eye?

There was also the Spike situation to ponder. Spike had gone to Africa and fought for a wish. He supposedly got a soul out of the deal. The soul of William the Poet once more dragged out of heaven or a blank one? Had the vampire gotten a soul at all or just a shiny conscience? And what was the difference? Spike had been more human than any vampire Xander knew of before the so-called ensoulment. Then when he had returned to Sunnydale he had been a bit insane at first, but still largely Spike. If he had been ensouled with the soul of William from the 19Th century, shouldn't he have been more or less like William was back then? After all that's the way the possessions had worked on Halloween for example. And because he hadn't, did that mean that the demon and soul had simply merged or did it maybe mean that they had never been parted and being ensouled simply meant just having a more active conscience?

These were important questions, especially considering Angel's current cursed state. When the curse had lifted before Acatchla Angelus had been insane. That was what Spike had said later on when they'd stumbled onto the subject one night out shooting pool. According to him, Angelus may have been a remorseless killer who enjoyed mindfucks, but he wasn't insane enough to actually want to end the world. He was after all quite intelligent and knew just what bringing hell on Earth would do to vampires, it would put them on the bottom of the food chain, still above humans and some other supernatural creatures granted, but definitely not anywhere near the top and some of those older demons actually liked eating vampires. Carrion eaters? Xander wondered, but that was another thing he had always wondered about.

Were vampires really dead? It seemed strange if they were since they could still for example ejaculate and both Spike's and Angel's hair and nails grew. Also Xander didn't think that Spike had been as well toned as he was while still alive, being as he had called it 'a nancy boy' and then wherefrom did that sixpack come from? And speaking of stomachs, how could Spike eat human food as he did? A dead body shouldn't be able to process anything. The blood, okay, that was magic. So maybe all that could be explained by magic. Then maybe their bodies weren't in fact dead at all, but simply altered by magic. If that was the case, maybe a vampire's turning didn't actually require death as much as a weakening of the body and being infused by the magic power that vampiric blood contained. And hey, the turned had to actually swallow the blood when being fed so then they had to be alive and if vampiric blood was life giving, shouldn't that mean that they satyed alive? And maybe the vampires didn't die so much as simply went down in like a coma or something while waiting for all the magic changes to take place and if that was the case there was no reason why the soul should be gone totally and oh my god, this was giving him a serious headache.

Xander groaned at his own internal babble machine. Right, so he was a teeny bit nervous about meeting Angel. Who wouldn't be? Well, he was here now. No use to stall, it would just make his palms sweaty and his knees shaking and… Yeah okay, knocking now.

Angel looked up from the book he was reading and frowned. Who on earth would be knocking on **his** door? It was exactly 46 minutes 'til sundown and he'd made sure the sewer entrance was barred as always so it shouldn't be a vampire and anyway, demons usually gave him a wide berth. Certainly none would ever be as bold as to disturb Angelus in his home? Well, maybe it was one of the neighbours. Great. Wonderful. Angel didn't do meet and greets or buy cookies or whatever the hell else they wanted him for. Maybe if he just ignored them they would go away. The knocking didn't continue so he settled down to read again when he heard the hand now tapping out a small melody on the door. No such luck then, well… How bad could it be? Angel sighed and put down his book with a mournful look at it before heading for the door and opening it.

He was greeted by the completely unexpected sight of a young man, possibly in his late teens, darkly handsome, clad in dark clothes and a blood red silk shirt. He smelt nervous, but not scared and there was a strong sense of determination over him. Above all he smelt human, with something else there, something that made Angel unconsciously lick his lips. That blood had to taste intoxicating he thought dazedly before taking a hold on himself, just to be shocked once more by the greeting he received.

"Hello Angel."

Xander smiled slightly only to frown internally at the predatory look that glinted in the brown eyes a moment before the vampire composed himself.

"Are you going to keep staring at my neck or invite me in?" He asked a bit snidely. _Still staring at my neck, deadboy. Better not be. Future husband or not, you won't be sucking on nothing yet._

Angel blinked.

"Just why should I do that? Who are you?"

"I'm a friend, " Xander retorted and winked.

"You don't look like anybody I know boy and I don't need any friends."

Xander's smile broadened as he remembered Buffy's recitation of a similar conversation.

"Well, here is where I could say that I never said I was yours, but that would just be childish of me, not to mention untrue as I am if not your friend than at least on your side. As to who I am, that's easy. I'm Alexander Lavelle Harris, better known as Xander. What you should be asking though, is why I am and that way lies a very long and complicated story that is better told inside, yes?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.

Angel meanwhile was sniffing the air trying to see what else was nagging at his senses about the boy when he found it; a small scent of the slayer.

Maybe this was a friend of hers, but how the hell did he know anything about him either way?

After a moment's hesitation Angel opened the door wider and stepped out of the way.

"Cautious to a fault Angel? You should know already that I'm not a vamp." Xander said as he moved over the threshold and looked around. It was not exactly how he remembered it. There were a lot more books lying around and art supplies.

"If I'm correct about vampire senses you should have been able to smell the slayer on me by now since we hugged briefly before I left. I am her friend yes and I fight against the darkness as well, that's the ultimate reason why I'm here."

Angel that had just been about to spring on the boy after the mention of having hugged the slayer, something that he at first had interpreted as a threat, redirected his movements into a wide gesture with his arm towards the sofa, ashamed about his initial reaction.

"Why don't you have a seat, would you care for something to drink?"

Xander raised his eyebrow again, now in apparent disbelief.

"Are you telling me that you have something beside blood and alcohol to offer?"

Angel actually blushed at that.

Xander noted this with an inward smile while outwardly appearing cucumber calm. Another curious thing about vampires, they actually could blush. He hadn't seen Angel blushing many times out of embarrassment though. It was adorable.

"Well, no, actually. Just water and tea"

Xander smiled for real now.

"Then I'm fine, we can order in something later if it's okay with you. This will in most likelihood be a very long night."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…"

Xander sighed and drew a hand over his face while leaning backwards on the couch, making himself comfortable.

Angel was for a moment taken aback by this blatant disregarding for personal safety or decorum. The boy, no young man, he really didn't feel all that boyish was either very stupid or more than he appeared.

"Please sit Angel, as I said, this is going to take a while."

Angel seated himself in a high-backed lounge chair, his curiosity definitely peaked.

"All right, I'm seated, now talk."

Xander only nodded in response to the curt order.

"There are many ways in which to start this conversation and since it's going to be a rather lengthy one, I'll give you a short intro before going into detail. First off, I am or rather my soul is from a future that will no longer come to pass. There I was a fighter against the darkness along with, amongst others, Buffy. Because of various factors the world was heading for another apocalypse; however this one could not be stopped. I had a conversation with a mutual acquaintance of ours by name of Whistler. Yes the balance demon, working for the Powers That Be. Thanks to some sneaky bending of the rules I was granted a second chance to save the world, not by ordinary time travel, but by what Whistler called a full rewind. Meaning I wasn't sent through time, but the weave of fate itself was unravelled to this particular day.

This was made possible by the demon lord D'Hoffryn. He is, as you might know the lord of vengeance and justice demons. Why he helped with this was for two reasons that I know of, one reason of course was that the end of the world would be bad for business, the other was that he had lost one of his daughters to the closing of the Hellmouth, namely Anyanka, the patron saint of Scorned Women. Now because this was a full rewind, nobody but me will know about it. Neither D'Hoffryn nor Whistler should have any recall what so ever about this even if they lived outside of this dimension. As far as I can tell not even the Powers should be aware about my change in status at this time. I am what you could call a wild card, not a pawn on the board, but an independent player. That is why this whole thing was even possible at all, where I go, rules change. Prophecies are disrupted and anything can happen."

Xander silenced for a moment and took a peak at Angel through his lowered eyelashes. He had chosen his position with deliberation to look as unthreatening as possible and at ease. Angel was looking at him attentively with his hands clasped under his chin and seemed to be deep in thought.

"Are you with me so far?"

"I am." Angel leaned back slightly and nodded. "I'm not sure I believe you just yet, but please, continue."

"All right. I don't need you to believe me yet either, just as long as you listen. Now, as I said, nobody knows about this. You are the first and possibly the only person that I am going to tell this whole thing to. We have been allies for several years and I hope that that will continue. You are a chosen champion of the powers, but unlike the Slayer you have age and experience to back you up as well as power. You are looking for redemption, that above all is why I trust you to do the right thing. I know about your curse and roughly how it came about. Tell me Angel, do you know how the curse can be broken?"

Angel frowned.

"Broken? No, the gypsy might have said something about it but, unfortunately, or fortunately perhaps, I was a bit preoccupied with being in excruciating pain at the moment to heed much attention."

Xander shook his head.

"I knew it. Those damned gypsies were complete and utter morons. The curse can be broken by a moment of perfect happiness. If you experience this, your leash, as it were, will slip and you will most likely go insane as well. The reason I know this is because it happened the last time around and you came very close to awakening Acathla and bringing about hell on Earth."

"What?"

Angel was shocked to say the least. He couldn't even have imagined a curse this sinister.

"But… That's insane." He tried. "They would have been better off just killing me then to leave a trap like that. Without the curse I would have killed them all."

"You never go for the kill, when you can go for the pain. The gypsies are very vengeful, even today after all these years there is a gypsy on your trails. Keeping tabs on you in case the curse is broken. I don't know why they chose to do things this way, it's completely moronic as I said, but as it is you now have a destiny as a champion of the light. It might be that the gypsies were simply not allowed to kill you back then, but that's only speculation on my part."

"Who?"

Angel's eyes were golden and his voice deathly quiet.

"I will tell you when you calm down Angel. You need to hear the rest of the story first. Don't worry though, we'll deal with her. She's not really a bad person, I don't think. Just misguided. We'll get her off the Hellmouth after she gives us everything she has on the curse."

Angel nodded curtly.

"Fair enough. Continue."

Xander paused for a moment, trying to remember where he was going.

"All right. That's basically the first things you need to know. Now comes the part where I ask you for that glass of water cuz this is going to take a while."

Angel left his seat and headed for the kitchen while Xander tried his best not to ogle the vampire's backside too much. Damn, but hearing Whistler telling him that they should be mates all emotionally detaching barriers had just gone down. Now Xander actually permitted himself to look at the older man and what he saw was hot. Oh yeah. The people in Giles' books had called Angelus the one with the angelic face and they were definitely right on the money with that one. Angel was angelic, all over. Xander was very thankful that he had had an Anya and a Spike in his life for so long. Keeping his hormones in check had long since become second nature to him, thankfully. He could live without the humility of Angel smelling arousal on him right now. That could wait and most definitely would, unfortunately. Especially since he still needed to fix this whole curse thing.

Angel was standing in the kitchen just staring at the glass he was holding in his hand. Unseeing eyes glancing back in time to that fateful evening in Romania. Damn, but if what the young man had told him was really true, as he was starting to fear it just might be his life had just gotten a whole hell of a lot more complicated. He'd had it all planned so nicely: do the cryptic guy routine, get through the Harvest and stay in the background 'til the Master as destined killed the slayer. Then protect the Hellmouth until the next slayer arrived. Nowhere in there had there been a dark-haired boy with eyes that hinted at untold depths, with an intoxicating smell and stories of the future. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest, but he feared he didn't have a choice in the matter. Things had simply changed, you had to change with them or get torn apart by the storm.

Shaking his head Angel filled up the glass with bottle water before heading back to the living room, a dire sense of foreboding lying heavily on his shoulders.

"Here you go."

Xander opened his eyes and locked them with the vampires'.

"Thank you. This is a lot to take in, I'm sure."

"Well, not as much as being told you're the champion for some celestial powers that decide that in order to be redeemed of your sins you have to go to the actual mouth of hell and fight against your peers while playing cryptic mentor to a 16 year old girl. But…you're getting there."

Xander nodded.

"It's probably just shock. When I'm done give it a few days and I'm sure you'll be freaked."  
He grinned and Angel couldn't help but answer with a small smile of his own.

Xander's grin widened at that before he settled down once more to tell the story.

"Listen for this is a story of woe, a story of love and betrayel. Sacrifice and hardship, of heroes and powers beyond your wildest imagination."

It was Angel's turn to quirk an eyebrow at the young man's antics.

"Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. This really isn't a very happy story."

"That's all right, I guess that means I should brace myself?"

Xander smiled again.

"I like you. You're nothing like you were…"

Angel frowned.

"I'm not? I thought you knew me?"

"I didn't, don't, not that good. Lot's of things can happen on the Hellmouth and I think a few things made it so that you had few reasons to smile. Killing your sire being one of them. Then there was some other stuff too, but we'll get to that. Now listen up."

Xander's voice became assertive and Angel found himself sitting back and paying attention before he even knew he was doing it. Strange.

"It all started when I met the girl with the golden hair, Buffy. I found a stake she dropped and later overheard a conversation between her and our librarian Rupert Giles, known as Ripper in his younger days. Yes, I know about that, you'll hear more later too. Now, as I said I overheard the two talking about Buffy's destiny, one she didn't want. A destiny of darkness and demons, death and loneliness. I decided I wanted in. Call me crazy, but I just can't stand by when there's innocent to protect, evil to slay. You once named me the White Knight. That's basically who I was. Now, after I met Buffy thing proceeded as they did this time around with the Harvest and Jessie's death… "

Xander talked and he talked, skipping over some details, but not leaving out any big stuff that he could remember. As he spoke of the Master and Buffy's reurrection he regarded Angel stealthily under his lashes. The vampire actually cringed at the description of Xander's cross and stake threat.

Angel was in indeed shocked. _I don't get it. A 16 year old boy shouldn't have been able to drag me down to the catacombs, I must have gone voluntarily for some reason, but why_? He narrowed his eyes in thought as he looked at the young man. _He seems formidable, if he was like this the last time around for him, if this isn't just a big hoax of course, but for now let's say that it's not. Then maybe the reason I went down there was to protect the boy, I must have realized he would venture out alone. All right, but why didn't I just knock him out and tie him up 'til the danger was past? Did I care for him? If I did, that might have been a reason for me to rather act as a coward than the cold hearted bastard I'm sure I was. Should this whole thing be true and I'm guessing it is, though I'm not about to stake my life on it just yet I probably don't have that high stocks with Xander right now. Or maybe I do, things must have gotten better or surely he wouldn't be here._

His horror grew though as he listened to Xander's recount of 'the Angelus incident'.

"So what you're telling me is that I went completely insane?"

"Yep, completely around the bend according to Spike."

Angel frowned. That didn't sound right. He might have been a sadistic bastard before the curse, but he certainly wasn't insane.

"Wait, Spike told you? I thought he was only sticking around long enough to betray me and get Dru out of Sunnydale?"

"He did on both accounts. He came back though. That's a later part of the tale though. Do you mind if we take things in order. I don't want to forget something important. We'll get to Spike, believe me."

"Fine." Angel sighed.

Xander gazed at him.

"Are you all right with that? We will get there, I promise."

Angel smiled slightly.

"It's fine really. I understand and I agree, you should take things in turn, it'll be easier on both of us."

"Right then. So anyway after the Acathla incident…"

As he listened to Xander's story Angel's respect for the young man grew enormously while his horror also grew concerning his own actions. _Damn, just when the hell do things start to get better between us?_

He hadn't realized that he'd spoken out loud until he noticed Xander gazing at him with an incredulous look on his face, one that soon shifted to something akin to wonder to finally land on sadness.

"I'm hoping we'll get it right this time around," he said with a strained smile.

Angel could only nod at that. _Damn._

Xander sat there for many more hours talking and talking about life in Sunnyhell. They made a some pauses of course, ordering food and eating it. As they both ate, Xander some Chinese take-out and Angel his customary blood they spoke of other things like history, music and literature. Xander was amazed that Angel actually watched TV from time to time and Angel appreciated the young man's humour and astute observations about the classics. Xander also had some less gruelling anecdotes to share with Angel about his life on the Hallmouth which got the vampire grinning widely and actually laughing form time to time. Soon though, the brief respite was over and it was time to talk about serious things once more. Xander now began talking more about Spike, telling Angel how it was paramount that the younger master vampire got out of his Drusilla's shadow.

"You are Spike's sire, right?"

Angel nodded dazedly.

"I am. Will was my favourite childe."

"Huh, I though you were. He said you were, but he later told Buffy that Drusilla was his sire."

"Drusilla?" Angel was in shock. "Why would he do that?"

"Well, you weren't really on good terms at the time and he was trying to get into Buffy's pants. "

Angel shook his head.

"She really is trouble that girl."

A bright grin split Xander's face at that. Oh, yeah, he was so getting Angel this time around.

"Yep, now as I was saying…"

The hours went by and Xander kept on talking. As he spoke of the initiative and Spike's capture by them Angel lost his calm and his human façade. The demon part of it coming promptly to the fore as he heard of the suffering that his childe had been put through. Sure Angelus had been a bastard from time to time, but he would never do anything like what those soldier people had done. It was despicable, barbaric. As Angel paced the living room, growling and trying to calm down Xander just kept on talking, trying to appease the master vampire with some funny stories about things Spike and he had gotten up to and also some of the less funny, but more touching ones about the few times when the younger vampire had opened up to Xander during their stay together. Soon enough Angel had calmed down enough to put away his demon face, but he was still pacing the floor agitatedly. Xander ignored the pacing, figuring Angel'd have plenty of more reasons to be upset before the story had been told to end.

The story went on and on, almost as if it had gotten a life of its own. When he got to the last year or so before the fall Xander began to shiver and Angel went to bring him some tea, greatly disturbed by everything the young man had told him especially the amazing story of Spike with a soul. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind for now though to ponder, alright, brood about later on in peace. He'd probably go insane otherwise.

Later on Angel was once again amazed to see that he still hadn't reached his limit of horror and amazement of Xander's story as the man began speaking of the Battle with the First. Before starting this part of the telling Xander had risen from his seat and walked around the room a bit, doing some stretches and all in all just gathering himself before he reluctantly returned to his seat. Angel could tell that this was going to be bad. He just hadn't been prepared on how bad, bad really could get on the Hellmouth. His limit of comprehension had been reached now, he was simply absorbing what was said, a feeling of numbness settling inside of him. He could tell that most parts of this story had never really been voiced aloud before. Sometimes Xander would lose himself in the memories and his voice get rough with emotion.

At the end of the story Angel found himself sitting in the sofa with Xander. They were holding eachother while Xander spoke in a monotone voice. Long since having lost his want for jokes.

Angel felt completely spent. A part of him was silently hoping that this whole thing was just a figment of the young man's imagination, hell he'd even go for a nefarious evil plot rather than having it all be true. Which he was pretty sure it was. Oh, he new that there had probably been things left out or slightly altered, but in the whole he was certain that the story told this night was the truth. His head was spinning trying to sort all of the information, calculating actions that could be taken in advance to change some things and steps to ensure that others stayed the same.

Finally the final word of this saga had been said and Xander's voice, rough from too much talking whispered:

"I really need you Angel. I can't do this by myself. I mean I have the knowledge and I've already got some plans, but this… Gods Angel, what if I mess up this time too?"

Angel found himself at a loss for words at first so he just stroke Xander's hair and purred.

"We'll work it out and you didn't mess things up. You're a hero for fuck's sake. Gods, you're such a brave boy. So brave, so strong, you probably could do this on your own, but I'll be here for you and you for me yeah? We'll do things together and everything is going to be okay."

Angel tried his damndest to believe what he was saying though it was hard. Powers, but this was a heavy burden indeed. His soul cringed thinking about all the horror that the future could bring and he hadn't even lived it. Continuing to purr he sat there, holding his new friend. _Don't need friends my ass. Angel, you need** him.**_


	6. Ball in Motion

**A/n:** This whole story has been revised so if you haven't already done so, please go back to the first page and reread it all.  
And yeah, send feedback, always feedback. ;-)

**_Ball in Motion_**

"Rolling, rolling  
with the punches of life  
Move with the rhythm  
Play with your strife

Been thrown a curve  
of troubling emotion?  
Just keep on rolling  
Keep that ball in motion"

/Extract from the poem Play That Game

Xander sighed deeply as he let his head dip to Angel's shoulder for a brief moment. Gods, but he was tired. Letting go of the vampire he rubbed his eyes and leaned back against the coach.

"Thanks, sorry about that." He gestured towards Angel. "It's been a somewhat straining day as I'm sure you can understand."

"Don't worry about it. I can't imagine how strange this whole thing must be for you."

"Yeah. This is really nothing in comparison to what is to come. Monday is going to be so much worse. Going to the school that's supposed to be blown up, seeing dead people wherever I go. God, principal Flutie is alive…"

Xander fliched at that thought. That was one thing he had kept from Angel, for now at least. The hyena possession. He didn't know what to say about it. He needed it to be done once more and he couldn't, wouldn't let Angel get in the way of that. It wasn't just about being able to claim him later if they ever got to that stage. It was about power and the pack. Xander really missed his pack, he couldn't imagine not having them in his life. Sure he hadn't been physically close to them since before the Hellmouth fell, but he'd always felt them in the back of his head and that place felt very empty now. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"Anyways… So it's been a hell of a day, but that's as it is."

He coughed.

"Do you have some more of that tea you made by any chance?"

Angel rose immediately.

"Sorry, I'm not much of a host. Not really used to company of the human variety. I'll be right back."

Xander smiled tiredly.

"That's fine Angel, thank you."

The vampire headed out to the kitchen.

As the water boiled Angel took a moment to collect himself and sort his thoughts about all the information he'd received that night.  
_This whole thing is big, that's for sure. If he really is back in time with no way to be returned the ramifications of that will be enormous. Hell, he's already changed everything by coming to me. After everything he's told me about, how can he trust me of all people? What if I 'lose my soul' and use all that information against him? _Angel cringed at the very thought. _I can't even imagine it._ His thoughts continued to sort through what he'd learned while the water started to boil. After making the tea and remembering to put some cold water in this time, Angel returned to the living room.

Xander immediately seemed to perk up as he walked in and Angel briefly entertained the thought that the man was just happy to see him again and not desperate for the warm fluid to soothe his sore throat. _I wonder if he's emitting some strange pheromones or something because there is no way I am reacting to a 16 year old stranger like this._

Having taken a few sips from the tea Xander started talking once more.

"Now," he opened his eyes and straightened. "I was going to ask you about your thoughts so far, but I'm realizing that this is a lot to take in and at any rate I promised that I would meet with Giles sometime around lunch and I need to be sharp for that. I'll round this up by telling you what I've been up to since I first woke up…"

As Xander did just that Angel found himself nodding approvingly. It was a solid start and although the story Xander had told the others left some things to be desired it was all in all not too bad a background set up. He felt bad for the boy having his boyfriend of all people as his first kill. _No wonder he stayed in the fight. I'm surprised he can stand looking at me since Darla's my sire._

"I'll come with you to meet with Mr. Shung then, but are you sure you're up for patrolling?"

Even as Angel uttered the words he cringed inwardly. _I can't believe I worded it like that…_ Xander's eyes were quickly turning pitch black with withheld anger and Angel scrambled to mend the bridge. "After having heard everything you've told me, I have nothing but respect for you and your abilities, Xander believe me. But you are used to working with an older version of your body; one used to fighting conditions and probably well muscled as well. Do you think you can take on a vamp one on one right now? That's all I'm asking. I don't know you so I have to ask."

Xander's eyes melted back to his chocolate brown and he grinned a little.

"I still have my brain and my memories, but you're right: I am used to working with more muscles and reflexes and so on and so fort. That's why I'm asking you to come with. Though I'm sure I could probably still take on a stupid fledge or two, being overconfident on the Hellmouth is just plain stupid. You just never know what's out there. So don't worry Angel, I am well aware of my limitations, for now."

"Fair enough, just making sure. So we'll meet with Mr. Shung and give him the proof he needs. Then you'll hopefully start training with him. Though you do know that I could do that with you?"

"Yes Angel, I know. However, you need your sleep during the day until we can get the gem of Amara. And that one by the way is non negotionable. You will wear the jewel. Fighting evil is not a time limited gig, it's a full time job. I can't trust you with my back if you don't take the fight seriously. This isn't about any damn redemption, this is about doing what's right and until you can appreciate the difference there ain't no way in hell that you'll get redeemed. It's like with most lost things you know Angel. It's not gonna be there until you stop looking for it."

Angel closed his eyes and thought for a moment. Xander was right, he knew it. He shouldn't discard any advantage. As a matter of fact as things stood right now, he couldn't see why he would, but from what Xander had told him about future events he guessed that the guilt he carried had just gotten too hard to bear in the future and that that was why he had destroyed the ring in the different timeline.

"You're right and what's more I agree. If we get the ring, I will wear it. But I could still train you in the daytime. I don't need that much sleep and we could be indoors…"

Xander shook his head and smiled.

"I know you don't have to sleep during the day Angel. I've worked with you during the daytime, but I would prefer this arrangement either way. It gives us an extra ally and as I want Mr. Shung to maybe train other people later on I need to know that he's good for that. Besides I don't want a trainer/student relationship with you, it would just be too strange."

Angel winced.

"Yeah I'm a vampire and I guess judging by what you've told me of my future actions there's no reason why you should trust me with a thing like that…"

"Don't go broody on me Angel." Xander rolled his eyes. "You were doing so good. Right now I trust you even more than I probably should all things considered. Don't read too much in to it and anyways, you need to be able to work out properly when you do and I promise you'll have more important things to worry about than my practices. You need the extra time working with me to do other things like researching and whatever comes up you know. Double workout time for you would be a waste I'm thinking."

"You've got a point. All right, you've obviously thought about things a lot so do you have any plans for how to deal with working with me and the others?"

Xander frowned.

"I'm not sure how to handle that yet. They're gonna freak about the vampire bit I'm sure and since the two of us will be working closely it's gonna look strange to them since I wasn't supposed to have known about the demon world. Do you have an idea?"

"We could tell them that I was sent here by the Powers That Be to watch the Hellmouth and it's protectors. You knew me as someone interested in the occult as well and someone you could work out with. Do you know enough fighting for that to work?"

"I know tai-chi and some odds and ends, frankly my style is more streetfighting than anything, but yeah I've got enough moves for that to sound plausible."

"Good, good. Then I could have been sent here to be your protector and teacher as well, something that you did not know until tonight because the Powers That Be shielded me somewhat from your visions. You did not know about the vampire bit until you put two and two together yesterday so today you confronted me with your knowledge, but you didn't want to talk about this with the others until you had heard my side of things since you still wanted to consider me a friend. I think that would work, as with most things we can work out the details as we go along. I am not generally one for improvisations as you probably know, but I think I'll have to make exceptions with this. Do you think they will go for it?"

Xander nodded.

"All in all it's a solid plan and yeah the details will just have to be ironed out later. We'll just have to try and not give too much information that the other cannot confirm if crosschecked. Do you wanna do a whole formal introduction soon or should we postpone it for as long as we can? I'm voting for procrastination, I think they've got enough for now and we need to get to know eachother if we're to pose as long time friends. Well not long time, maybe a year or so?"

"It fits with my move to Sunnydale, that's good in case anyone thinks to question the demon population or anything like that."

"All right then that's settled. Do you have a way of getting in touch with Whistler by the way? I'd like to talk to him about some things."

"I do, but only sort of. I can contact him during a full moon, but that's almost a month away."

"Damn, I was hoping I could use him to corroborate my story. This'll work much more smoothly if you can trust me. And speaking of trust I really appreciate you listening to me and all. Even though you've been very nice about all this, I don't imagine that you trust me 100 right now and my story is crazier than normal even for the Hellmouth, so thank you for that."

"You're welcome. Don't think I won't kill you if I start to feel something's wrong though."

"I was wondering when you'd get to the death threats, nice. Makes me feel at home, y'know."

Xander was smiling as he spoke, but Angel still felt bad because he recognized the sentiment for what it was and he once again resolved to make things better between them this go around. Even if he was going to contact Whistler just to be on the safe side. Maybe he should head for LA and try that address he'd been given for dire emergencies only, the kind of emergency that Whistler described as 'Apocalypse and then some'. Well, this wasn't an apocalypse per say, but the world had ended in a way and Xander being back in time was going to mess up quite a few things Angel was sure. And of course if the boy was a total fraud that could have dire consequences as well. All right, he'd head for LA then, just as a last precaution he wouldn't tell Xander about it either. You didn't live to be a quarter of a millennia old without harbouring some healthy paranoia after all. Trusting or no, Angel went with his instincts and since he pretty much figured that Xander was who he said he was he'd come to the conclusion that the best thing he could do was to cooperate. Allies didn't come around too often in this line of work and whoever they were there were always trust issues, this just took a bigger leap of fate than normal and really: the story was crazy enough to be true.

"Sorry, but that's the way it is, if you're who you say you are you should know that."

"I do and it's fine and since we're in the threats part of the evening same goes for you."

"Fair enough." Angel nodded. "Now that that is settled I suggest we meet up at Clearview Cemetery tonight, say right after sundown? It should be fairly calm, just one or two fledges. Will you be alright getting there by yourself?"

Xander raised an eyebrow at that. It really a was a novel experience to be one of the people that Angel wanted to protect, openly at any rate, he'd probably kept an eye on all the Scooby gang on occasion at least, but it was different to hear him fuzzing as well. Not a bad kind of different either, if you didn't factor the condescending part of course.

"I will and I told Mr. Shung I'd meet him at sundown so that works out fine for me. You'll meet us there then? Do that lurking in the shadows that you do so well?"

"My but you do know me."

Angel grinned predatory and Xander rolled his eyes in appreciation of the joke. Wow, this was a whole new side of Angel and here he thought Angelus was the one with all the humour.

"Okay." He couldn't stop a huge yawn from escaping.

"I'd better be going home then. Hey, d'you wanna come with me when I loot some lairs next week? I need some cash to get out of my parents' house and to get some equipment. It's really a bitch having all your favourite weapons and stuff being left behind on the other side of nowhen."

Angel wondered how he should respond to that, but if Xander had been fighting and doing things like that on the Hellmouth for years then what was he supposed to say about it? Xander had fought for and saved the world countless times, if he wanted to hit some lairs to fund the fight, who was he to judge or to caution? He ought to know what he was doing after all and just in case he didn't Angel would be there to watch his backside, **_back._** That was a lovely behind though. _No, bad Angel, he's under aged and a complete stranger and anyways there's that whole happiness clause you were warned about, now focus. Besides, considering his past with your present and future self he sure as hell wouldn't be interested._

"Fine, if that's what you feel you need to do, but wouldn't it be better to get a job?"

Xander shook his head and sighed.

"No, it takes up too much time and energy from slaying and I have school to think of as well. Anyway, I've worked enough jobs here to know that it's a last resort kinda deal. The only thing that really worked for me or any of us really until Giles opened up the magic box was when I worked in construction. I had my sights set on being an architect and had a good deal working as a foreman. Sadly though, that won't work this time, no one would make a 16 year old into a foreman no matter his skills and frankly I'm tired of the grunt work. That was one hard deal I had working my way up the ladder while slaying at night and everything else. So looting it is until I find the stash with the gold and stuff where Spike got the gem of Amara from. By the way, if you're gonna be wearing that ring, which, you're gonna, we need to get something similar for Spike."

Angel felt really strange hearing someone speaking of his wayward childe with so much faith and affection in his voice, but then again Will had always been a different kind of vampire: much too human all together. That being how it was though he hadn't been all that surprised when he first knew that Spike had made it to Master status on his own. He was nothing if not tenacious.

"You do know he's killed two slayers?"

Xander nodded grimly.

"I know, he wouldn't shut up about it, when he was in his 'big'n'bad' mode, but hey he's a vampire. That's what he's supposed to do and being a vampire you're either a master or you're nothing and to take care of Drusilla and himself Spike couldn't afford to be nothing. Vamps kill slayers, slayers kill vamps, they're certainly not supposed to sleep together that's for sure."

Angel winced some at that, remembering all too well Xander's story about that whole unfortunate event. What the hell could he have been thinking anyway?

"Yeah well, much still happened between Spike's first visit to Sunnydale and him finally joining up with you. This Spike doesn't have a chip and has never met any one of you. All he cares about is killing, mayhem and Dru."

"His dark princess, yeah I'm well aware how that bitch has him wrapped around her little finger. Don't worry about it Angel. He won't be showing up for a while."

Another yawn made its way from Xander's mouth and Angel offered before even thinking about it:

"You could use my couch to sleep if you want to."

_Where the hell did** that** come from?_

Xander seemed to wonder the exact same thing as he looked at him quizzically.

"Thank's Angel, but I need to get home. Is there anything else you want to know tonight or should we say Clearview after sundown?"

"No, I think that's all. You need to get some sleep and I need to do some thinking. I'll see you later."

"Right then, let me just help you clean up a bit here and I'll get going."

Xander rose from the couch in a surprisingly limber move, but Angel could see that he was tired, shot a look at the food cartons and other things spread around the table and shook his head.

"No, leave it. Cleaning up will occupy at least five minutes of my not so eventful day."

"Thanks."

Xander shot him an appreciative smile for the humour and the courtesy and turned around, Angel following not far behind. They walked together to the door where Xander put on his shoes. He'd left them there earlier remembering that Angel usually walked around barefoot just like Spike did.

"Are you going to be following me home in the shadows?"

The question startled Angel and drove another reluctant smile from him.

"Actually that was the idea. You think I might as well join you?"

"You might as well, yeah."

Angel nodded once and got ready before they headed out into the night.

The walk to Xander's home was uneventful and quiet, both men having a lot on their minds.  
Finally they were at home and Xander turned slightly to face Angel as they stood on the porch.

"I feel like I should give you a good night kiss, but really: that's going too fast forward I think so bye Angel. Thanks for walking me and have a good night."

He shot off a brilliant smile and was through the door before Angel had gotten past the good night kiss part of the sentence. _Was he flirting with me? Course he wasn't stupid, he just told you about that nifty little curse now didn't he. Just because you can't have anyone that's the place your mind wants to take you. Get it out of your thoughts, the boy is not for you, does not want you and could be conspiring to kill you, well maybe not that last part, but he did tell my future self that I would die and he would be there. Not a very romantic statement, although... God damn it Angel, you need to get your act together. Get to thinking and figure out a way to get to LA before your next meeting with mystery boy, despite the sun issue._

Angel went and did just that while Xander's eyes lingered on his retreating back from behind the curtain of his bedroom window. As Angel disappeared out of sight, Xander sighed and went to bed. If he got up at noon he'd hopefully get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Then the circus would start once more. _Run around monkey boy, you'll never catch that banana. Christ I'm going loony as Spike would say, time for some shut eye. Night world, hope you're still here tomorrow too._

Noon came with brilliant sunshine and Xander woke for a moment disoriented. When did he get his depth perception back and why didn't anybody tell him? _Right, past. Yay, me… Gods, I gotta get to the library._

Xander hurried out of bed and through his morning routine, foregoing the rigorous exercise he'd made a habit years ago and instead optioning to jog to the school. His clothes for the day were tanned slacks with a white muscle shirt and a light blue shirt and he wore sneakers to better be able to run. At the last minute he remembered to pack a small bag for afterwards. Sure he was going patrolling, but that didn't mean he couldn't be clean and non smelly for at least part of the day. _Like when I'm meeting Angel again. Xander, Xander…get a grip._ He headed for the library and fun filled day of testing and interrogating. _Well. It is High School after all._

Walking through the double doors Xander noticed that Buffy was nowhere to be seen. He wondered if this should make him more or less nervous, but figured it made little difference in the end.

Approaching the research table he reached it just as Giles emerged from the bookcases of the upper floor.

"Ah, good, Mr. ah…Xander. You're here. I trust your nightly conversation went well?"

Xander smiled.

"It did, yes. Where's Buffy?"

"She will not be joining us this afternoon as I thought she might enjoy some time off to 'feel her age' sort of say."

"So she blew you off to go to the mall."

Giles's lips twitched some at that, not quite making it to a smile, but almost.

"Yes, quite. However I do think that might be for the best since Buffy's forte is perhaps not obscure demon languages and magical theory, although she does seem to have a keen grasp of the main focus for a slayers work."

"You mean –kill demon now?"

"Just so, yes."

Giles removed his glasses and started to polish them, a move so familiar that Xander almost ran up to the older man to hug him close. He staved that urge though and instead opted to make his way to the research table.

"Well, since we're alone and can work uninterrupted, where would you like to start? Magic, demonoly, languages, history, what?"

Giles put on his glasses once more and motioned to some of the dusty tomes on the table.

"I thought we would begin by going through these books and see how much of its' contents you may know or have heard of, after that we'll see."

Xander checked out the books more thoroughly and noticed that most of them were quite basic while two of them were more obscure and none of them contained very many things that could be called compromising or even dangerous. He bit his lips slightly and sighed. This would never work, he knew too much for his age. Maybe he should try to construct some better lie…but what the hell could that be?

"That sounds fine, Giles. Just remember, seer here. Sometimes I'll just know things without being able to explain exactly how or why."

"That is quite alright Xander. Shall we get started then?"

"Yeah, let's…"

The two men seated themselves at the table and started perusing the books.

Meanwhile Angel had used some contacts to procure a ride to LA and he was now sitting in a karaoke bar called Caritas listening to the most horrible rendition of "Lady in Red" that he had ever had the displeasure of hearing.

"Well hello there tall, dark and troubled. You are in need of a reading I understand?"

Angel looked up into the face of a green, very green demon of a species he'd never, ever seen before.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Lorne sweet cheeks; I am the owner of this fine establishment and an anagogic demon to boot. I read auras, destinies that sort of thing."

"Huh."

Angel wasn't exactly sure how to answer that, he'd never had any luck with seers of any kind. As Liam he'd met up with this strange gypsy seer that told him a fortune of blood, struggle and love obstructed. Another seer in a street corner had almost gotten him killed when he'd grabbed hold of Liam in the middle of the street, almost making them both be run over by a coach, screaming out about death and destruction. Then there was Drusilla of course as Angelus and things just kept getting worse.

"I'm actually here on the advice of someone named Whistler, ringing any bells?"

Lorne frowned, well Angel was pretty sure that it was a frown and not some weird way of flirting.

"Time to be asking for your name stranger…"

"I go by Angel nowadays."

Lorne nodded.

"Angelus. You weren't supposed to be coming here for some time yet."

"Yeah, well. Things have a habit of never working out the way you planned them now don't they."

Angel was slowly starting to feel agitated. He hated this cloak and dagger stuff, dancing around issues. It was fun when you were the one pulling the strings, but not being the one left suspended in the air.

"Yes, of course. But when the Oracles pronounce something it usually comes to be unless something really big happens to overthrow the plans of reality."

Suddenly realizing they were in a public place the green demon waved with his hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Be that as it may, I can clearly see that you are Angel and from your aura I can read that something has greatly disturbed your life in the past 24 hours. Care to enlighten me?"

Angel opened his mouth, but Lorne shook his head.

"Not here of course, we'll go to the back room. I'll get Whistler for you too, if I can. Those Balance Demons have a habit of never being around when you need them, but that's as it is. This way please."

They walked to a back room in the bar and Angel stepped inside with a small feeling of trepidation and not so little anger now that there was a chance he'd be seeing Whistler again soon. If what Xander had told him was true then that demon had some fast explaining to do, before he ended up one head shorter and one champion poorer.


	7. Enter Purgatory

**A/n: **Damn chapter's been messing with me. Now I have to do an A) and B) type thingie. I'm trying on a new small little plot twist concerning Xander's story. I'm leading up to it here, but the actual twist will be in part B which, you have my solemn word, will be updated a whole hell of a lot quicker than this part. Also after this part things will speed up a little. Or, yeah, a lot. ;-)

As always, feedback is very much appreciated and thank you once again from the bottom of my heart for all of your lovely comments and e-mails, you really make my day each and every time, I hope you know that.

* * *

**_Enter Purgatory part one_**

_"Do the lies haunt you tonight?_

_Their blackness seeping through your soul_

_Screaming in uncaring silence_

_Think blood will make you whole?_

_Do your deeds taunt you tonight?_

_Those thousands of mistakes you let be_

_because__ you couldn't dare to face them_

_Think blood will set you free?_

_Then you've entered purgatory_

_where__ the walls are unbreachable_

_Where no one will show you mercy_

_and__ freedom seems unreachable_

_Welcome to purgatory_

_Where no one will hear you scream_

_Where your cell's been made for you_

_And your rescue's but a dream_

_Does the future daunt you tonight?_

_Doomed to watch the liquid sands_

_run__ through the hourglass of regret_

_Think blood will wash your hands?_

_Then you've entered purgatory_

_where__ the walls are unbreachable_

_Where no one will show you mercy_

_and__ freedom seems unreachable_

_Until you forgive yourself…"_

/Enter Purgatory

Xander sighed and closed his eyes while tipping back in his chair and rubbing a hand over his face before stretching his arms above his head to get some circulation back flowing in his neck and shoulders.

"And the Thalse'man is the last step in the purifications ceremony to render a heart of Mesti harmless. It can also be used as a means of getting someone to tell you the truth, only problem is that it's an equal opportunity spell which means that both you, the one you're interrogating and anyone you come upon during a 14 hour period will tell the truth . On the upside though, it's not a compulsion to speak it only hinders you from lying. This on the downside of course means that it won't actually force anyone to talk, just to speak truthfully if they do so it's not really reliable to use in dire emergencies or in an interrogation situation. I figure it could probably be used wisely though if you're afraid that you have a traitor in your group. Now, Rupert my man. We seriously need to take a break. Too much reading of obscure texts even as straightforward as these are in comparison to some I know makes Xander a very unhappy camper. I need to move. Let's sparr."

Giles looked up at the use of his given name , but didn't comment on it.

"Very well Xander. I can clearly see that you have a very keen grasp on demonology. I must confess that I doubted your prowess, but you do seem to have studied quite a bit. However book learning alone does not make a watcher or as you say, a demon fighter so I think it is indeed time that we see what else you can do. How about you start to do warm-ups, I will join you shortly."

"Sure G-man."

Xander froze at the unintentional use of that old name, but Giles simply raised an eyebrow.

"G-man? Really Xander, I have nothing against you calling me by my given name if you feel so inclined, but G-man? I'm not a teenager nor a gangster or a secret agent."

Xander nodded.

"I know, sorry. It's just the way I sometimes talk with people I socialize with. I understand if it's not acceptable to you. My apologies, I will try to not call you that if it offends you."

_Go Xander with your grown up ways!_

"Thank you."

"However…" Xander continued as Giles turned around to head towards his office.

"I do think that it might be worthwhile to use more anonym names in the group at least outside in the streets since I can imagine that working as vigilantes of a sort is not the sort of job you want people knowing your real name and address in. Of course the vamps turned from this school might still know who we are, but that's easier to handle than demons en masse coming to our doors at night."

Giles turned with a troubled look on his face.

"That may very well be a sound idea Xander though I do not think that two people would constitute a team. I am a watcher after all; I do not go out on patrol. That is the slayer's job that she is most suited for I assure you."

Xander blinked in absolute astonishment. He didn't know if he should berate himself for thinking too far ahead or curse out Giles for even suggesting that he shouldn't be a part of the slaying and world savage as well. He opted for the second though since he was right about the names and he knew he could talk Giles around to a more active approach to the slaying. He'd been known as Ripper for a reason after all.

"So… No group activity? If I hadn't been here you'd be sending Buffy out alone every night fighting the nasties without support, much skill or knowledge. Sending the only slayer you've got out on the Hellmouth? By herself? You do know what would happen if the Hellmouth should ever be opened, right? Maybe it needs to be spelled out to you, huh? End of the world as we know it that's what'll happen. Return of the age of demons. And watcher man, it won't matter then if you're the teenage boy who sees, a blonde little girl with superpowers or a freakin' watcher who doesn't think it's his job to watch somebody's back! Newsflash Rupert. If the world goes, we all go!"

Xander sucked in a deep breath and held his tongue from further scolding. Damn mouth, always getting the better of him. He hadn't meant to come on quite that hard. But this attitude had always grated on his nerves. This 'thing' where people thought that it wasn't their responsibility to save the world. It was everyone's responsibility damnit!

Giles face looked grim and his lips were drawn into a thin line. He wasn't looking at Xander though, rather he was looking to someplace off to the right of Xander, but far away from here. Lost in thoughts most likely, but of what Xander didn't know. Perhaps he was reminiscing about his days as Ripper or maybe he was thinking about what he'd been taught at Watcher College. Not wanting to disturb in case it was an important thought process Xander opted for heading over to the work out part of the library and warm up.

He did some stretches and started up a tai-chi routine, but was still aware enough to notice when Giles had come out of his musings to join him in the ancient warrior dance. For a moment there was peace in the library as they synchronised their movements, but Xander soon ended the workout, knowing he had more things to prove and a short time to do it in.

Fact of the matter was, he needed Giles to trust him and fast. There were so many things that needed doing and Xander was pretty sure that him 'coming-out' as a player would lead to even more bad things heading their way. There wasn't much he could do about that though. Potential disaster lay in this new direction but in the other timeline disaster had been and would have been inevitable. Out of two bad things you choose the one that gives you a fighting chance Xander mused as he turned towards Giles and made a slight bow. The older man bowed back before clearing his throat and speaking.

"I see that you know some of the martial arts, but do you have any formal training and before we begin it would be preferable if you could tell me at what level you believe that you are competent in fighting?"

Xander tried to keep his eyes from rolling at his old comrade in arms before answering.

"An uncle of mine was in the military. I know some military hand to hand. I know tai-chi as you can see as well, but mostly I guess you could call my style street fighting. It's a mixture of whatever works basically. I've been trained to take down stronger opponents. Angel seems to think that's the best way to work when you're young like me."

"Angel?"

"A friend."

_At the moment anyway._

"I see… Well then have you ever been in any real fights?"

"Oh yeah…"

Xander answered with a gaze inwards to all the gruesome memories he carried. A flash of the last battle in Sunnydale came to mind before he ruthlessly pushed away the memory into the furthest reaches of his mind.

"I don't want to talk about it though."

"Of course."

Giles voice was a bit too congenial and Xander had to stifle a sigh. Why'd he have to be so damn smart anyway?

"Well then. Shall we begin?"

"Yeah, let's."

They worked out for a while, but Xander felt very uncomfortable. Neither Giles or Buffy had done very much sparring with him over the years. Frankly he was amazed at the sheer stupidity of not training both him and Willow in fighting. The only times he'd actually gotten to spar was when he was acting as a partner for Buffy's workout and that was for her benefit not his. He's acted as a training dummy more than anything else. Which honestly would have hurt him a lot if it hadn't been for his Hyena enhanced physique. Something that Buffy had never picked up on. Then again, she wasn't the brightest girl around. _No, bad Xander.__ She had her moments, you know that. She was just a bit self centered. You can't fault her for not seeking out deception amongst her friends._

So no, he hadn't actually gotten into a lot of situations where he'd have to pull his punches. Which meant that even though he'd integrated some of the soldier memories with his own and he'd watched and learned he wasn't used to sparring. He mostly only used the stuff when in an actual fight and there the objective was to kill or incapacitate. Pulling his punches was not something he was used to, neither was the lack of adrenaline from a life threatening situation. Which all in all put him in an awkward position while training with Giles. Though he wasn't clumsy per say he didn't exactly get many points as he always had to keep reminding himself to take it easy. He left himself open for attack when he hesitated to strike, stumbled when he remembered that his kick might break the other man's leg and so on. This was a problem and he knew it.

All right, so maybe he got some things right, but Xander knew that his performance wasn't enough for Giles to seriously recognize him as someone who could hold his own in a fight with opponents four or five times stronger and faster than him. This worried him as he remembered all too well the times when he himself had been injured or gotten someone injured because they protected each other. If Giles and Buffy didn't trust him to take care of himself they might take unnecessary risks to protect him in a battle and that wasn't on the agenda. Things were supposed to run smoothly, that's the way it was supposed to go and Xander didn't know how to handle this new problem with the information he had dished out. Somehow he had no justify his abilities with something more than sparring with a friend for the past year, especially since he didn't seem to be able to spar all that well.

The sparring soon came to an end and Giles seemed to gauge him with an unreadable look, one that Xander only due to his previous experience with said look could recognize as puzzled, worried and suspicious.

"All right then. That will be fine. You're rough around the edges certainly and your style is very much street fighting or perhaps, 'anything goes' martial arts. Your strength and reflexes could definitely use some additional work however and some… polishing of your methods might be beneficial. Do you do any katas beside the tai-chi?"

Xandre could smell the trap that was being set. He could fight, but he couldn't spar. Logic suggested that most of his training was doing katas, but since he hadn't in fact been officially trained he didn't know any real ones. Not enough to fool Giles at any rate, which meant the trap was successful. Still, maybe he was just being paranoid…

"Not any real ones, no. I have this training regiment that I do, that I've come up with myself, but nothing formal. I'd like to learn though. Knowledge is never wasted you know so I might be joining up with the local dojo…"

"Yes, that would be a good idea. Well then, I think we will go to weapons next. Do you have any experience working with a quarter staff?"

"Staff, some sword work, using a battle axe. Angel's a real history buff –very much into the arcane."

Xander could practically see the gears turning in that old watcher brain at that additional new and unexpected revelation. _Damnit__, this isn't working! There are too many coincidences, to many conveniences and inconsistencies. Giles was never stupid. The best lies are the ones that are so close to the truth you can hardly separate them. I'll have to tell him the truth somehow without telling him about the time travel. I really don't get why it would matter in the end to the war whether or not this was a full rewind, but Whistler did say not to tell and he should know. Anyways. Even if Whistler okayed it I still couldn't tell them. It would make things too difficult and they wouldn't understand why I do the things I'll do. They won't understand about Dawn or Spike. They won't understand about killing Ben or taking down the Initiative and they'll want too many things that I'm not prepared to tell them. _

_I'll have to talk to Whistler before I do this, but I think it's the best solution. I tell the truth and leave out the time travel. It should work. I'll have to talk to Angel again about setting up a meeting. Hopefully he's already gone to see him, fullmoon or no, Angel always did have control issues. Probably a master vampire thing. Spike had them too after all. 'Course they could both be paranoid, but nah. Fuck I'm getting a headache, didn't know that not babbling verbally would force my mind to take up the slack of inane prattle as Giles used to call it. Right, speaking of Giles, he's talking to you moron, sharpen up! _

In the meantime Angel was all about connecting with his inner beast as he held up the Balance Demon known as Whistler by the scruff of his neck.

"You have two seconds to explain to me why I didn't know that the curse could be broken?"

"Broken? What?" The Balance Demon moistened his lips.

Angel would have none of that and pressed the nervous smelling demon harder into the wall.

"Talk, Whistler or Powers or no, you will **hurt**."

For a moment he thought that the demon would persevere, but after a moment, which granted was longer than two seconds, but that wasn't really the point as long as he got an answer, the demon spoke.

"Frankly, you should have known Angel, you were present when the thing was cast after all, and if your memory failed you…well. The powers don't really have any need for a happy vampire champion. You're supposed to be miserable Angel, so you'll keep focusing on the mission. Personally I think it sucks, but I'm not the one who makes these decisions."

Angel roared and threw away the demon in disgust and anger, opting to use his fists on the brick wall instead of flesh as he smashed into it repeatedly till he finally noticed the pain from the bleeding and stopped. Simply stopped. For a long while he just stood there with his forehead pressed to the bloodied wall, silently muttering to himself.

Lorne moved very quietly towards the Balance Demon and gave him a helping hand to get up off the floor. Whistler started to move for the door with cautious movement, but stopped at the silent command from the vampire.

"Don't even think about it Whistler, we still have some things to discuss."

He turned and offered a tight smile.

"Why don't you take a seat."

"Angel, I've got other things to do you know. Being your punching bag isn't all that I do for the Powers."

"I didn't punch you and I'm sure you're right now **sit**"

The voice of the master vampire that Angel still was despite his guilty conscience rang true and strong and both demons found themselves sitting on the couch before they had much thought on the matter.

Angel winced at the terrified expression on the anagogic demons face and apologized.

"I'm sorry Lorne, I'm not mad at you. Please feel free to go and take care of your other duties. You don't mind if we occupy this room for a while longer do you?"

"No worries Angelcakes. Take however long you wish, I'll be out by the bar. It's was good to meet you. Please feel free to use any of my facilities for as long as you need. Good bye."

The green demon rose and did not as much run to the door as walked there hurriedly.

Whistler gazed at the closing door with a wistful expression before turning back to his controlled, but in all likelihood still enraged champion and sighed.

"All right, Angel. Start talking, I do have places to be."

Angel rose an eyebrow at that, but seated himself in a lounge chair not far from the couch and facing the door.

"Do you have any way of knowing it it's safe to talk in here?"

Whistler frowned.

"How safe?"

"As in I came to the place I was not supposed to come by for another couple of years unless it was bigger than an apocalypse so can I talk without even the powers knowing about it?"

That revelation was followed by a tense silence as Whistler seemed to way the pros and cons of his answers before talking. Finally he seemed to come to a decision which he shared with Angel in toneless voice.

"It's safe. It's one of the few places that are that's why I gave you the address. Now what the hell is so wrong that you don't even want the powers to know about it?"

Angel smirked.

"Oh, come on Whistler. You of all people know that the Powers play the game by their rules and break them when they see fit without too much concern about other things than their bloody war."

"I don't believe I've given you that much reason to think that I considered the powers any less than perfect, well except for the soul business."

"No, you haven't. But Xander has."

The Balance Demon's eyes widened at that and that was all the confirmation Angel needed to know that at least there was a story here.

"Yes, I know about him. A player, not a pawn huh?"

Another smirk and Angel could smell a change in the Demon's scent once more, this time into fear and a not so small hint of anticipation.


	8. Enter Purgatory part two

**A/n:**Well what'd you know. I actually got the little bugger down sometime this century. Sorry for my incredibly bad, bad, bad horrible updating speed. What can I say -I'm not dependable for shit, I just talk a good game. ;-) Well, bygones and all that. This my lovelies is the next installment of Rewind, kid. Hope you'll enjoy and thank you from the bottom of my devious little heart for all of your kind critique and your patience with me, I love you all very, very much.

* * *

**_Enter Purgatory part two_**

_Do the lies haunt you tonight?_

_Their blackness seeping through your soul_

_Screaming in uncaring silence_

_Think blood will make you whole?_

_Do your deeds taunt you tonight?_

_Those thousands of mistakes you let be_

_because you couldn't dare to face them_

_Think blood will set you free?  
_

_Then you've entered purgatory_

_where the walls are unbreachable_

_Where no one will show you mercy_

_and freedom seems unreachable  
_

_Welcome to purgatory_

_Where no one will hear you scream_

_Where your cell's been made for you_

_And your rescue's but a dream  
_

_Does the future daunt you tonight?_

_Doomed to watch the liquid sands_

_run through the hourglass of regret _

_Think blood will wash your hands?  
_

_Then you've entered purgatory_

_where the walls are unbreachable_

_Where no one will show you mercy_

_and freedom seems unreachable  
_

_Until you forgive yourself…  
_

_/Enter Purgatory_

"That's one way of putting it."

Whistler leaned back against the backrest of the couch and seemed to settle in for a longer conversation.

"How do you know Xander?"

"We had a very long chat tonight at my apartment, an extremely interesting conversation you would say and should the whole thing be true which I figure that it is, more or less. It would seriously screw with the Powers' plans."

The Balance Demon nodded.

"Let's hear it then. The short of it for now, if you don't mind."

Angel faked a casual shrug.

"Basically, he's from the future."

He smirked at the confusion he anticipated from the demon, but what he got was a deathly pale face and lips set to a thin line.

"Fuck."

Whistler seemed to sink into himself as he leaned back in the couch and buried his head in a slightly shaking hand supported by the armrest.

Angel was confused and he didn't like that. This was not the reaction Whistler was supposed to have to such an incredible revelation. He frowned.

"He said you weren't supposed to know about it. That it was a full rewind, so how come you're not confused?" The last bit came out with the slightest hint of a growl, but there was no scent of fear from the Balance Demon any longer. Not hint of any emotion really, damn it, that wasn't fair how he could close down on everything like that.

Whistler rubbed both his hands over his face and sighed heavily.

"He's right in a way. I have no memory of that, a full rewind means no time travel is possible between the two realities because the future in mind simply ceases to exist. I did however know that there was a possibility that something like this might happen in the future. I hoped, really hoped that it wouldn't, but…as they say, shit happens."

His eyes looked tired as he gazed upon Angel with a much more serious and openly watchful expression than the vampire had ever seen before. It was almost like a whole new person was emerging from behind that tacky seventies' pimp mask. A serious one, an old one and now was the time that Angel remembered that for all of the times that Whistler had seemed to defer to him he was still a millennia old demon.

Angel found himself sighing as well, his anger had suddenly evaporated leaving a resigned weariness in its place.

"So it's true then?"

Whistler raised an eyebrow.

"Of course it's true, Only question is whether or not the boy came back right or wrong."

"What do you mean, wrong?"

"I mean as in evil or heavily messed up."

The frown replaced itself once more on Angel's features as he thought back on his meeting with Xander. Could it be? No, no it really couldn't. He shook his head to reaffirm that thought as he spoke it aloud.

"I don't think he did. He seems alright. Just very tired and a bit stressed out. Less stressed than you would figure someone to be after just having woken up in the past, but then again if he'd been fighting this war for eight years, seven of them right on the Hellmouth itself…"

"He's probably already dealt with more heavy shit than you can imagine." Whistler completed the sentence with a thoughtful nod.

"I need to meet with him. I assume he's asked for me?"

Angel's frown deepened.

"Yes he has, that's one of the reasons why I'm here, to bring you to see him, if you can…"

The last was said as an afterthought, there was after all the issue with the Powers being in the know or not.

"We could go right now actually, the sooner the better."

"So there's no one you need to see before we go, to…confer with?"

"No."

A decisive shake of his head. And that was a surprise: after all, not that Angel was exactly in the know with things like that, but it sounded to him like making a full rewind of the universe demanded that you have some pretty powerful friends especially if your were going to do it behind the Powers' backs. If that really was the case, Whistler could have lied to Xander or just simply be mistaken.

"Did you lie to him?"

Whistler shot him a look.

"About what?"

"Anything, everything, the powers knowing about it."

"I don't know Angel, anything's possible, but I highly doubt it. I won't know until I hear his story though."

"Yeah, why's that?"

It was Whistler's turn to shrug.

"Sometimes you lie to your friends to protect them and sometimes you lie to your enemies to protect your ventures, it's all in the intentions as I'm sure you know."

Angel snorted.

"The road to hell. Yes, thank you, I've heard."

The dry humour earned him an amused look and a smile. Huh. That was weird; he hadn't seen Whistler smiling in a long while. Not since their last parting before Angel headed for Sunnydale. He hadn't remembered missing it so much.

"You weren't supposed to."

His head shot up fast enough to almost pull his neck.

"You read my mind!"

Whistler gave a little apologizing shrug.

"Yeah well. Ready to go? You'll have to excuse me, but I don't think we should be speaking to each other about this any more before we're safely at Willie's."

Angel frowned. He didn't like this. It was all above his head and that did not sit well with a master vampire. Then again he couldn't really blame Whistler for being secret and circumspect. Whatever was going on here it was sure to be big, bigger than apocalyptic if he read Whistler right and if that were the case, well. He could be patient. For a while anyway.

"Fine then. Let's go. I've got a car out front."

They rose from their seats and headed out.

Angel was pleasantly surprised as he stepped out into the club that the…person…now on stage actually could carry a tune and quite well at that. Very well, he could actually feel tears start to form in his eyes and with a quick look around he could see that he wasn't the only one touched by the words and the haunting melody. He just hoped Lorne was still communicative enough to see them leaving. He didn't have to worry though he saw as Whistler approached the anagogic demon speaking quietly. The green demon nodded at something and then locked eyes with Angel and nodded once more. The look clearly said that there were no hard feelings on his side and Angel found himself smiling and nodding back. It felt good to smile and as the haunting words on the stage changed to include a note of hope as well he could feel his heart lift just a little bit. It was going to be ok. Somehow. He could feel it.

As they left the club and stepped out under the big roof shielding them from the direct light of the Californian sun Angel blinked as if a fog had suddenly cleared, or was that descended on his mind? Quizzically he turned his eyes at Whistler who just smiled.

"That was a S'k'lovina you just heard perform. Feel honoured, they don't come out often to sing like that."

"It felt like he, she?" Angel frowned.

"It."

"Oh, well it felt like it was speaking to me somehow."

Whistler nodded.

"Then it probably did. Where's the car?"

Angel gestured and a black limousine started up its motor and slid up to them, fitting neatly between the outer poles and where they were standing, effectively placing itself so that Angel wouldn't have to suffer one shred of sun.

For some reason he almost felt like Whistler was rolling his eyes at him, but he ignored the feeling. Hey, the windows were sun proofed!

Whistler snorted and Angel scowled. Well they were damnit and so what if he liked his creature comforts, it'd get them where they were going and they wouldn't have to worry about cops stopping to question them about the tinted windows. So there. Satisfied with his own rationalization Angel waited for the chauffeur to open the door for him before stepping into the car. Realizing as he slid into place on the black leather seat that he wasn't even fooling himself any longer. Oh well then, fuck it. He was man enough to admit that he liked being pampered, it didn't happen nearly often enough these days and he missed it. Who the hell wouldn't?

Whistler sighed contentedly as he too seated himself comfortably.

"Everybody needs a little luxury now and again Angel," he muttered before going quiet and closing his eyes.

Angel felt his tense shoulders relax at those words, huh, so he felt like he needed approval from Whistler, that was…new. Mentally shrugging off the perplexity of it all he ordered the driver to wake them as they arrived in Sunnydale and then he promptly went to sleep.

Xander returned from his shower in the Sunnydale High School locker room grateful for the time spent by himself. Only two days back in the past, but the strain on his psyche felt unbearable. He didn't know how to act anymore, what to say, what to do, who to be. Already he had regrets about how he'd handled things or rather people. What he'd told his friends, what he'd told Angel. The last part had really been a gamble and he knew it. Reckless. He'd just needed to vent so badly and Angel was the only possible alternative for turning to. It didn't mean it had been a god idea though. Sure it felt good right now and he was pretty sure Angel would do his best to help with the situation but as always there was that damnable curse to remember. The curse was still there and that meant that there was always a chance for Angel to revert back to his old form. A moment of happiness could come in different ways and there was also magic and drugs to consider. Before…to be honest Xander could have taken Angelus if he had to, but now. He was at a disadvantage and should Angelus rear up his ugly head, with all the information he'd now been given, well things could go from bad to apocalyptic in no time. Xander wished he was a religious man, wished he had some deity he could pray to and be heard, but l he could do was hope, hope that he'd done the right thing. Hope it would all be alright in the end.

Without really noticing Xander found himself back in the library, seated on the floor in a meditative position refocusing his eyes at Giles as the older man was walking towards him.

"I dare say you seem a bit pensive Xander. Is there anything further you would like to discuses with me today?"

Xander smiled.

"I've got a lot of stuff on my mind Giles. Why don't you take a seat here with me and let's talk a minute ok?"

Giles raised an eyebrow and the once again all too familiar tone, but acquiesced easily enough.

"Alright Xander." He said as seated himself comfortably on the floor. Something that the original 16 year old Xander would never have expected in that once upon a time, but having known Giles for years now he knew that he was far from the stuffy librarian image he wanted to project. Well not far from it perhaps, he was a librarian after all and fond of all things dusty and old, but that wasn't all that he was. Xander wondered idly at how the older man was reasoning acting this way with Xander now. He'd never let them see him like this before, like something other than, well…British.

"I haven't been completely honest with you Rupert."

Giles nodded.

"No I except that you haven't. Are you going to be now?"

"I'll do the best I can."

"To tell the truth?"

Xander faked a casual shrug.

"I wasn't going to tell you, not this much, not yet. But I figure it might be for the best. Better to tell you now while we're alone, being…who you are you have the best chance of understanding. First of all I just want to repeat that I'm not here to cause trouble for you or Buffy, that's the furthest thing from my mind."

Giles frowned.

"Go on."

Xander closed his eyes for a moment to center himself. If he was going to do this he would have to make it good. Then he simply got into 'the zone' as he used to call it, the place where you just did what your were gonna do. It was a place of zero compromise, no anger, no fear just simple determination. Like Yoda said -do or do not, there is no try. In the zone there was no try, you just did it, took the plunge and learned to swim.

As he opened his eyes again, his mind was calm, his eyes looking straight at his old mentor for a moment before drifting.

"It's not the easiest thing in the world to be something that you're just quite not. To put on a mask that's so close to reality that it's almost hilarious, because at the same time it's just so fucking far away that it might as well be a different reality. Harder still to live in one reality just to get shipped off to the next when your work is finished. _Really_ difficult to adjust to a new scene where the players are so different, but the game is still the same. That's how it is with me. I'm me, but not quite the me of yesteryear. Wearing a mask that's not quite a mask, but not quite reality. I don't think you know about wish demons at this stage, do you?"

"At this stage?"

Xander waved loftily with a hand in answer.

"Never mind, just some alternate future stuff."

He stopped for a minute and when no answer was forthcoming he raised an eyebrow to prompt the watcher into giving one.

"Well?"

Giles looked…bemused.

"I can't say that I do other than that you mention wishes in our earlier talk."

Xander nodded. He'd wondered about that the other time around. Wondered how many secrets _Ripper_ was hiding, but maybe Anya just wasn't one of them after all.

"There are lots of different types, some grant wishes to children, others to scorned lovers, others still you have to fight to get what you want. All of the can fuck you over if you're not careful, genies too. They're all slippery. They're under the rule of the demon lord D'Hoffryn. Not really evil, not really good though sometimes they do a world of good and sometimes they do a shitload of evil. Most times, they just really fuck things up. They're a bit under Janus' wing, their pet creatures in a way. Wreaking havoc, opening windows while the door hasn't yet closed. Stuff like that. Chaotic beings, but necessary of course, in their own way. You know some about chaos, right?"

Giles swallowed and nodded a bit hesitantly.

Xander wondered what he looked like, what he sounded like being able to draw that sort of response from the former demon summoner, but he supposed that wasn't really important right now.

"Yeah, of course you do. You don't have to hide it from me, y'know. I'm the one who sees after all. I know a lot more than you can hide on a good day. Know more than you might really wish to on a bad…" He mused.

"Wish demons've got a lot of power under their belt. They can open doorways to possibilities you see. Alternate realities, other dimensions. They've pretty much got a free reign of things once they get a wish. Well, as long as it doesn't destroy the universe or something like that. Of course there are ways of turning stuff back together the right way. One of the most obvious being to summon the demon in question and snatch away their necklace. The thing that lets them use their powers. But that's beside the point. There's actually a reason I'm telling you this. You see I am the Xander of this dimension, but for the past seven or eight years I have lived another life. Fighting a war against the darkness in a place not too unlike this one. Most of the time, I was as close to hell as you can come without actually being in a hell dimension. I fought together with a few people and sometimes I fought alone. We were a team. I called us the Scoobies after the tv-show, because of what we dealt with. It was a joke with serious undertones. We were like family for the longest while."

Here Xader choked up for a moment and blinked fiercely to banish the tears from his eyes.

Giles was looking slightly pale where he sat, but composed still.

"But that changed. In the end, we became estranged. Fighting the darkness, it takes a toll on all of us. After one of the hardest won Apocalypyses so far, we drifted apart. We needed a break. That's when D'Hoffryn came to me and offered me another chance at life. To return to the life I had had to left behind when the fight called me for the first time. He and another demon."

Giles frowned and Xander smiled softly.

"Not all demons are evil Rupert, you should know that. Most just want to live their lives."

"Yes well." Giles cleared his throat. "It is not a popular view among the watchers. Though you are quite correct of course."

"Of course. Now as I said, I was offered a chance to come back here and help save this world from destruction. So that's what I plan to be doing. It's a bit hard for me right now though, I need to rearrange my thoughts to once again fit with this world. I'm used to being a 23 year old carpenter slash warrior slash counselor. The White Knight, the One Who Sees. Now I am 16 year old Xander Harris with a math exam the coming week. Can you imagine? "


End file.
